The Exchange

Authors: Farah & Mera

Rating: R (I don't know)

Spoilers: BtVS  S6,

Feedback: Farah: lusciousxander@yahoo.com, Mera: lusciousspike@yahoo.com

Summery: Warren made another laser gun that had some unintentional results, in turn causing Xander, Buffy and Willow to fully understand the old saying living in somebody else's shoes. (*grin* I'm staring to learn. Not a perfect summery but it says everything I want.)

Disclaimer: they belong to Joss and co etc. We borrowed Spike & Xander and dammit we'll take our time!!

Distribution: No way!!! Sure you can, if you don't I'll let you meet my Ripper. Just tell us first. Author (Mera) note: *gasp* our second fic and we haven't finished our first! (**shakes head** the shame). This fic actually came from a dream Farah had. She was like 'oh god Mera I had this weird dream' then she told me and I was like 'we so have to write this' so here we are fulfilling Farah's dream.

Author (Farah) note: In my dream, this happened after 'Normal Again' and the wedding that never happened.

2/ Anya gave Buffy the keys to the Magic Box before she left Sunnydale to never return again (yes! She is never coming back so there!)

Italics & *& capitals = emphasize ~ = thoughts

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~    

~Part: 1~

Xander moaned as he felt sharp pain throughout his body. He refused to open his eyes on the basis that every time he did that in a similar situation in the past the pain became more pronounced and real.

In the midst of all the pain, he remembered the night's events. He, Buffy and Willow went out on patrol near the cemetery. They came across the Trio Geeks and before they could react, Warren shot them with some strange looking laser gun.

"Xander?"

Reluctantly slow, he opened his eyes to meet Willow's worried ones. "Are you OK?" she asked.

He managed a weak smile. "I'm OK, Wills. What about you?"

He didn't miss the troubled look on her face, "Well, I'm fine. but I'm not Willow."

Xander frowned. ~ What? ~ He focused on her face, he's sure he wasn't mistaken. The redhead in front of him was no doubt his childhood friend.

"You *are* too Willow."

"No, I'm not." She insisted.

Xander's brows furrowed. "If you're not Willow then who are *you*, and where is she?"

"Uh . hey Xander."

He turned his head towards the familiar voice. His eyes widened. He saw someone looking exactly like himself wearing a goofy smile and waving his hand at him.

"Wha... what? How? What's the .?"

He shut his mouth quickly, placing his hand on his throat. He just realized his voice sounded odd, a little too high. He looked down, and gasped with utter horror. ~ Boobs? ~

The version of himself approached, all concerned. "It's OK Xander, everything is gonna be ."

Xander snapped his head up, interrupting. "What are you doing in my body? And why do I sound like Buffy?"

"Xander, it's okay ."

"I have boobs!" He exclaimed in terror, placing each hand on each boob.

The redhead scowled. "Hey, take your hands off my breasts!" she bitched, shoving his hands away from his new boobs.

The Xander version sighed. "OK, this may sound weird Xander, but I'm Willow and ." she pointed at the redhead, "this is Buffy."

"H. how?"

"Remember when Warren shot us with that laser." Xander nodded. "Well, it made us exchange bodies. And that's impossible to do with out some kind of magic involved by the way.  Therefore, me, Willow, in your body, Buffy is in my body and you, Xander, in Buffy's body. Which I completely doubt is what he was after. I'm assuming that he wanted something else all together. I'm sure it wasn't invisibility since we all saw how that turned out, with Buffy almost disintegrating into nothingness and everything..."

"Willow!" Xander interrupted the scary rambling.

"Do you think the melting into nothingness could happen to us now?" Buffy asked worried.

"Oh I don't think so," Willow waved her hand dismissing that. "In that situation you were removed partially from the plan of existence, now we are removed from our bodies but we exist in another. So there's no fear of us going poof." Willow clarified.

Xander was following proceedings from the safety of the ground, but now when the former redhead explained that it was fairly secure he slowly stood up and looked down at his *new* body. ~ Oh yeah, this is defiantly Buffy's body ~ he took in the blond locks hanging off his temple then looked up at Buffy and Willow. ~ Uh . Buffy in Willow's body and Willow in my body. ~ It was weird being the shortest.

"So . um what should we do right now?" He asked nonchalantly.

"Right now we go looking for Warren and the others and make them fix this." Buffy spoke firmly.

Xander raised an eyebrow. ~ Cool I can raise an eyebrow now! ~ The me-slayer look was a bit weird on Willow's face.

Willow looked unsure of Buffy's decision. "I don't know Buffy. I'm kinda tired and ."

"And what?" Buffy cut her off. "You want us all to walk home looking like this? I say we go look for them now!"

Willow looked down. "But we don't know where they are and I'm. really tired, but if you ."

Buffy looked a bit guilty, she knew Willow has been weak and that she tires quickly after going cold turkey off magic. "Okay Will, we're gonna rest tonight, but tomorrow we'll find a solution for this." Willow nodded her head in agreement.

"What about the others?" Xander asked. "Should we tell them?"

Buffy thought about it. "Well Dawn has been neglecting her school with her skipping it and spending her time shoplifting." She said bitterly, "so telling her is out, she has examinations all week and she needs to concentrate."

"And I made Tara go through a lot this year; she doesn't need to deal with this." Willow said sadly.

Xander patted her arm. ~ This is so weird! It's like comforting myself! ~

Buffy stood straight with her arms crossed. "That's right, this is our problem, the three of us, we fix it our selves."

~ Look at me all resolved face and everything! ~ Willow mentally giggled, then frowned. "Only one problem," she turned her attention to Buffy. "Do you remember when you exchanged bodies with Faith? Tara noticed there was something wrong with your aura." The now male Willow pointed out.

Xander turned to Buffy. "Geez Buff, what are you going to do?"

Buffy looked at him confused. "Why are you asking me?"

"Coz you're Willow now, and you'll meet Tara at college."

Buffy smacked her cheek. ~ ohh poor Wills face ~ Xander thought compassionately.

"Yeah right," she looked at Willow pleadingly. "Do I have to go." Willow gave her a look the clearly said 'don't dare think of skipping classes!' Buffy sighed. "OK, I'll avoid her, but not . avoid her in an - I don't wanna talk to you - way but more like - I have class - way, you know." She reassured an apprehensive Willow. ~ Wow the blab is all Willow ~ Buffy breathed.  

Willow nodded. "OK, off to home now?"

"Yes, me and Xander are going home and you go to Xander's apartment, do you want us to walk you?"

Willow smiled sweetly, putting her hands on her hips. "I'm not that weak, Buffy Summers. I can go to Xander's apartment by myself." She raised her chin, "no biggie."

Xander stared at her in fear. ~ Oh my God, Willow is making me look so girly. What if she ran into one of the neighbors? ~ "Uh . Wills, try not to let one of my neighbors see you, OK?"

"Why?" She asked confused.

"Bah. because ."

Buffy must've noticed Willow's odd behavior with Xander's body, so she came to his aid. "Coz they might suspect something and get him evicted."

"Oh OK." She agreed, and then she remembered something, "But what about Dawn? She might suspect, too."

"Well, Dawn knows about the weirdness in the life of Sunnydale, it's no big deal if she finds out."

"Oh, OK then. By guys see ya tomorrow at the magic box. "

The three friends exchanged their goodbyes before everyone headed home.

******

Willow Rosenberg walked the streets of Sunnydale to her best friend's apartment. She didn't know why she felt her steps a little heavier. She knew that Xander's body was way bigger than hers, but does she have to feel so . weighty? Also, the feeling of that. uhm thing between her thighs was driving her crazy. ~ How can guys stand this? ~

Finally, she reached the apartment door. She searched for the keys in her pockets, and it took her few minuets to find the correct one. She entered the apartment, and then turned on the lights.

The apartment was a total mess. Bottles of beer were everywhere along with junk food bags and old pizza boxes. Country music tapes were all over the stereo and some of the furniture weren't in place.

She took one of the beer bottles and stared at it sadly. She knew that Xander was hurting over Anya, and for once, he didn't hide it from them.

Her fingers held on tightly to the bottle, feeling angry with herself. She was supposed to play the best friend part and try to make Xander feel better, but with her trying to get her relationship with Tara back on track she didn't even notice that he was hurting. Instead, she actually thought about hating him for leaving his bride at the altar.

Sighing, she started cleaning the mess. She didn't understand why Xander left Anya on their wedding day. He loved the ex-demon with all his heart, so why did he hurt her? She knew her friend very well to know that he'd never leave Anya at the altar just because he got cold feet.

She got rid of all the discarded bottles and junk food, but she was too tired to clear up the furniture and moreover. she was stinky!

~ Oh Goddess ~ her eyes widened in horror. ~ I'm gonna take a shower in a guy's body! In XANDER's guy body! With all his guy parts and . oh no oh no that's . ~ She was blushing hard all over. ~ How can I do this? ~  

******

Xander Harris and Buffy Summers entered the Summers' residence after a long walk. They both noticed that the lights were on in Dawn's room. Closing the door, Buffy turned to Xander. "Xander, could you please check on Dawn before going to bed?"

"Why is she still up?"

"She has an exam tomorrow. Please ask her if she studied well and if she needs anything to eat or drink and."

Xander smiled. "If you're worried about her, why won't you come with me?"

"No!" Buffy shook her head. "Willow always goes to her room and take a shower after patrolling. I can't just show up in her room with you, she'll suspect."

Xander nodded his head in amazement, and headed for the stairs. He felt Buffy's hand on his arm, and turned to face her. "Can you tell me how is she afterwards?" She asked softly.

He smiled. "Yeah, sure."

******

Xander knocked on Dawn's door, before hearing the "Come in" then he entered. Dawn was cleaning up her desk. ~ must've just finished studying ~ Xander thought.

Dawn turned to face him with a smile. "Hi Buffy."

He waved. "Hey Dawnster," he said without thinking.

"Dawnster?" Dawn sounded confused.

"Uh. I meant Dawnie." ~ Stupid, Buffy never said Dawnster! ~

Dawn chuckled turning her attention to her desk. "You're hanging way too much with Xander."

He tried to imitate Buffy's pouty lips. "Is that a bad thing?"

"No, of course not!" she said indignant.  Then she asked. "How is he?"

Xander knew she was asking about him and Anya. "Xander is fine, Dawnie." He said softly.

"No, he's not!" She looked at him. "He's hurting, and he didn't get over the thing between him and Anya, yet. He needs his friends right now, Buffy. We should all be there for him. We should never let him take it alone. He doesn't deserve that."

Xander smiled, he was so touched, and a 'thank you, Dawn' was about to slip but he caught it and replaced it with "Of course, Dawn."

Dawn was checking if she got everything in her bag, before closing it. "Things are gonna change around here, right?"

"Why is that?"

"I mean with Anya leaving and never coming back."

Xander felt the emotion spread over him. He had this strange urge to cry. He used to hold it well before, so why can't he control it now? Maybe that was part of being in a girl's body. "Why are saying that?" He asked in a very low voice.

"Because she said so and gave you the keys to the magic box, remember?"

Yes, Xander remembered. Buffy told him about Anya's visit after the wedding that didn't happen, giving her the keys to the shop, that she loved, before leaving. It still hurt to hear about it, though.

Dawn put her bag next to the bed. "It's weird, you know, not having her around. I liked hanging out with her. She was so funny, she used to tell me these great stories and we used to spend time when there weren't any shoppers in drawing, she used to sketch really well." She said as she began to undress.

Xander's head snapped up from his sad memories. "What are you doing?" He exclaimed.

She looked at him confused. "Changing into my pajamas."

"But I'm still here!"

"So?" Dawn couldn't understand why her sister was blushing like that.

"You're taking you're clothes off in front of me!"

"So what? We're sisters. We do this all the time."

~ They do? ~ "That was . when you were a kid, now you're not."

Dawn grinned widely. "Really? You finally noticed."

"Of course I did." Xander mentally sighed. "From now on you don't change your clothes in front of anyone, including me, because you're a woman now." He said firmly.

"Cool." An excited Dawn jumped.

"Okay, I'm going to bed now." He kissed her cheek. "Good night, Dawnie."

"Good night, Buffy."

******

Buffy burst into a gale of laughter, after hearing 'the Dawn taking off her clothes' incident. She was rolling in Willow's bed, hugging herself, while an angry Xander stood in front of her. "That's so not funny!" He grimaced.

"Yes, it is." She was wiping the tears that streamed out of her eyes, but couldn't stop laughing.

Xander snorted and started laughing himself. "Since you're gonna spend the whole night laughing, I'm off to bed."

"Wait, Xan." She stood up giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for checking on her." She said sincerely.

"No probs, Buff. Good night."

"G'night." She closed the door after him, and then suddenly she started laughing again. She pictured an uncomfortable Xander with a confused Dawn. ~ Too bad I missed that! ~

She threw herself on the bed, which used to belong to her mother. Life was so hard after her mother died and it got even harder after Giles left, she still couldn't believe he had actually left them. She couldn't understand why everything was so messed up for her and her friends. Everyone started screwing up. Things would've been better if he were here.

Sighing, she stood up and saw her face in the mirror. She shuddered when she saw Willow's face instead of her own. ~ Boy, I'm still not used to this ~ well, she had it better than the others, at least she was in a girl's body. She thanked the many Gods she knew - thanks to Giles- that she didn't end up in Xander's body. ~ I wonder how's Willow dealing ~

Looking at college files, she groaned. "Great! I have school tomorrow."

She began thinking about the horror that is studying. Then another problem came to mind ~TARA!~ what will happen if she sees her? There's the chance that she'll find out that there's something wrong about her, and that she's not really Willow just like she noticed the switch with Faith two years ago. But what would happen if she doesn't?

Will she make advances toward her?! She came to accept Willow being all-gay with Tara, she's open minded after all. But there's a difference between Willow and Tara getting it on and Tara and Buffy-in-Willow-body getting it on! God what if Tara and Willow had already made up? Or are in the process of making up, oh no that's even worse! What if unintentionally she ruined any chances of them getting back together! She loved both Willow and Tara and she loved seeing them together, they make each other so happy.

Buffy remembered how Tara tried to help her with the whole mess with her and Spike, she owed her. She nodded her head sternly, she'll do what ever she can to bring them back together. But what if they have to kiss? Oh God! Ok she can be mature about this. yes she can kiss Tara it would be worth it. oh but not an open mouth kiss ~ Eeeek French kissing Tara ~ she unconsciously wiped he mouth ~ sleep on it. yes Willow's body needed sleep for learning tomorrow. God! Studying!!~ Buffy groaned as she lay down on the bed.

Suddenly she remembered that Xander was stuck in her body. ~ Oh God, Xander is gonna take a shower, *in my body* I'm so not gonna sleep tonight! ~ she covered her head with a pillow and tried not to think about that.

******

Xander was blushing hard as he stood in the bathroom. ~ Ok I'm in the bathroom what to do next? ~ He was thinking hard then mentally slapped himself. ~ Of course, gotta take my clothes off first, stupid! ~ He saw Buffy's face in the mirror. Yeah, right the mirror. Can't watch Buffy's body naked. The blushing was even more evident ~ well, years ago I would go *yay* but now it's like . *no* wrong! ~

There's still the mirror problem. Looking nervously around in the bathroom, he then saw some towels, took one of them, and covered the mirror. Smiling with satisfaction, he looked down at Buffy's clothes. ~ Ok thank God pants, I can deal with pants ~ His hands worked on the zipper before he slid the jeans down Buffy's thighs. In all this he kept his eyes averted, looking at the ceiling. ~ Hmm the girls need to clean the tiles and some of them are kinda loose I need to do something about that. ~

Ok done with the pants. panties? No!! That can wait. blouse, yes that's nice and safe. He stared taking off the pink blouse. ~ *snicker* in all the colors I've wore I've never ever allowed myself to wear this one. huh look at me now! ~ oh God! Buffy's breasts looked smaller in the blouse. now they're in this small, very tight, bra. This is easy he'd taken a lot of bras off before ~ well off Anya that is ~ how hard can it be to take it off himself?

Pretty hard! He spent fifteen minutes trying to do just that! He actually began spinning around like some puppy chasing his own tale. That, until he found out that the straps are on the front. Panties, with closed eyes, came next. The rest came naturally. He opened the shower until it reached comfortable warm then he got in. He frowned noticing the many hair and body products. He'd seen some of them when Anya used to live with him, he remembered bitterly.

So he took one of all the scented shampoos and applied it to his hair. ~ huh? vanilla scent ~ he began rubbing it but needed to apply more when he didn't get enough foam ~ I knew there was a reason I cut my hair! ~

After that came the body soap ~ vanilla, again! Buffy is obsessed. ~ He then realized surprised, that he wasn't turned on being in a girl's ~ Buffy's! ~ body, even with the bathing and with all the touching. He shook his head thinking that it doesn't really matter. Perhaps it was that he was in *the* body or that it was Buffy. He was musing that while he was drying up. He got out of the bathroom and started towards Buffy's room. ~ I hope Wills is handling this better than I am. ~

~Part: 2~

Dawn woke up the next morning to the sound of her alarm clock ringing. Slamming it off, she yawned and started stretching. One look at her bag made her groan; she had to go to school and had an exam today.

She stood up and headed to the door. Outside her room, she saw Willow getting out from the bathroom. The redhead smiled at her and said, "Good morning Dawnie."

Dawn yawned. "Good morning Willow."

She heard Buffy's door open. She was about to turn and say "good morning", but the death look on Willow's face stopped her. "You are SO not going out in my. this body wearing that!" Willow snarled at Buffy.

Dawn raised an eyebrow at Willow's strange behavior then looked at Buffy. Both her eyebrows snapped up in astonishment at the sight of her sister. Buffy was wearing a very bright green blouse with a red sweater and brown pants! ~ is that Buffy? ~ She wondered in shock.

Willow shooed Buffy into her room, "Inside, NOW!" she yelled getting Buffy out of the hallway hurriedly.

Dawn was still standing, hand on the bathroom doorknob, looking stunned. This is so weird! Willow was snarling at Buffy? Willow was about to give Buffy a fashion lesson? And what the hell happened to Buffy's taste?

There's something weird going on, and  they weren't telling her what it is. Well, she was going to find out whether they liked it or not. She raised her chin in defiance.

******

In Xander's apartment, Willow stood in front of the mirror looking at Xander's reflection. She touched the cuts on her cheek lightly. ~ I'm sorry, Xan ~ she thought guiltily. ~ If I knew that shaving was gonna be so hard I would've let you grow a beard ~

She froze at the violent pounding on the door. She looked at the door frowning, ~ who could that be? ~

The pounding was back again. "Open the door, you piece of shit!" someone roared from outside.

Willow quivered at the sound. It was the man out of most of her childhood nightmares, her best friend's father, Anthony Harris. She shuddered remembering how much that man scared her whenever she, Xander and Jesse saw him. He never hurt them but the sight of him drinking and looking at her with his red-rimmed eyes frightened her. He always fixed Xander with cold eyes, slurring. "Get me a beer, boy." And Xander always obeyed without saying a word.

She and Jesse asked Xander many times if his father ever hurt him. The little dark haired boy always flashed them one of his grins and said that his dad yelled at him but never raised a hand to him. She always believed him, but Jesse never did. She always hoped that Xander was telling the truth.

"I know you're in there you worthless fuck, your car is still parked outside!" Mr. Harris hollered.

That shook her out of her thoughts. ~ I have to open the door ~ she shuddered at that thought especially since now she was Xander. ~ I hope Xander told us the truth! ~ At the wedding she avoided meeting Mr. Harris, but now there's no escape.

She clumped towards the door. Taking a shaky breath, she opened the door to face one still scary Tony Harris. She tried her best not to tremble and smiled goofily, "H.hi dad." ~ Darn, I stuttered! ~

Mr. Harris stretched his lips with disgust. "Give me my money, boy." He slurred.

Willow swallowed the lump in her throat, "W.what money?" ~ Goddess, I sound like Tara. ~ She mentally smiled at the thought of the blond witch.

"The money I spent on that disaster you called a wedding. You humiliated me, boy. You disgraced the family's name with your idiotic act. Can't even marry a stupid woman, you worthless coward. Can't do a simple thing you ."

As Xander's father went on with his insulting words, Willow gritted her teeth angrily. ~ How dare he say those horrible things to his own son? Can't he see that he's hurting his feelings? ~ Then again. that's Xander's father she's talking about here. Buffy told her how he insulted his wife at the wedding in front of everyone; she was glad that Xander wasn't there to attend that. She wanted to slap the old man on his face, for all he had done, regardless of her fear from him, but. he was right. He should get his money back, after all Xander did ruin the wedding.

She cut the man off. "OK, I'll give you your money tomorrow."

"Why tomorrow?" He roared.

"Because I don't have it now. I'll go by the bank today and get you the money."

"If I don't get my money tomorrow boy, I'll ."

"No, no I'll give it to you tomorrow. I swear."

"You better."

Willow looked at him nervously, "Now if you excuse me, *dad*. I got to go to work."

"Yeah I have to go to work, too."

~ Yah right, you mean go to drink some more! ~ Willow thought in sarcasm. She watched Mr. Harris leave leaning on the wall at one time when his feet couldn't hold him upright, then gave a heavy sigh of relief. She thought about the money she would get. ~ No word to Xander about this, he has enough to deal with. ~ She wished she could pay Xander's father with her money but she knew that the wedding costs more than she could pay. Sighing sadly, she went to gather her stuff and headed off to the construction site.

******

Xander opened up the Magic Box with the keys Buffy gave him. He entered the shop feeling really uncomfortable. The blouse and pants that Buffy forced him to wear were so tight, he could barely walk in them ~ why would women do this to themselves? ~ He frowned. His choice of clothing wasn't that bad!

He looked around at the quiet shop. He had an image in his mind all morning that he was going enter and see Anya behind the counter and Giles looking in the books, like they used to do. Sadly, it was just him in the old shop. He wandered around the place thinking bitter thoughts about Anya who left because of him and Giles who left because. he didn't know why Giles left.

He didn't hear anything about or from the ex-watcher since he left. It's like he didn't exist anymore. He took his number from Buffy a month ago to invite him to his wedding; Giles didn't replay to his call nor came to the wedding. It hurt that Giles didn't show up on, what supposed to be, the happiest day of his life ~ 'course I ruined everything! ~ He reflected bitterly.

He knew Giles looked at Buffy, Willow and him like they were his own children. It was obvious in his eyes; the worried look when they're sad or in trouble, the happy look when they laughed and the proud one he always shot Buffy and Willow.

Sadly, he never got that look. Why would he? Buffy and Willow did plenty of great things in their lives. The only good thing he had ever done was becoming a construction worker. Other than that, Buffy and Willow went to college, he didn't. Buffy was the slayer. Willow was a powerful witch and he was the joker with bad ideas, which always annoyed the G-Man, ~ Oh, yeah, that annoyed him too. ~

Thank God, Giles didn't come to his wedding. He screwed it up like he did everything else. If Giles were there that day he would've had one of those disappointed looks he always gave him. Giles' lack of knowledge of what happened was better than getting those looks.

Tears gathered in his eyes. ~ Fuck! ~ He grimaced, and then rubbed his eyes roughly. He hated how weak the female body reacts towards emotions. Only two weeks had passed since he broke it off with Anya. It was natural to brood and gloom all the time, but to cry every time he does. that was too much.

"Good morning, young lady."

Xander turned and saw an old woman smiling back at him. ~ Oh a customer! How did Anya handle this? ~

"Um. good morning ma'am, how may I help you?"

"Well aren't you the polite one, and pretty too."

"Uh, thanks?"

"You're welcome deary. Now I've heard that you have many different healing powders. I'm looking for a specific one for a rash I've got on my upper thigh."

~ Gulp! ~

"Uh OK, do you know what it's called?" Xander asked uncomfortable.

"Well, I never actually asked. You see I used to go to this Chinese Herbalist and he used to recommend a different one each time he checked on the rash, it always went away after he gave me the powder, but he's away now to attend his daughter's wedding. Are you married honey?"

~ Wow Major blab fest on such a little old lady ~

"Oh no, no marriage for me. So how can I help you?"

"You can check the rash I guess and give me something for it, do you have a backroom?"

~ WHAT! ~

Xander went behind the counter so there would be something between him and the old woman.

"Um there's no need. I have different kinds of powders here; maybe you can describe the last one your Chinese friend gave you. We have red, green, yellow, black." He began to pick out different jars and placing them on the counter.

The woman came closer and noticed the last jar had a tag on it. "Gun powder!" She said horrified. "She was going to give me gun powder for my rash!" She huffed and stormed out of the shop.

Xander returned from the backroom with more jars. Frowning when he noticed that the lady customer left, he shrugged and started replacing the jars on the shelves.

******

~ Oh hope Willow won't mind the little stain on her note book ~ Buffy whimpered and tried to wipe the *huge* ink blob that covered half the page. ~ well at least all the important notes are on the other page ~ Buffy shrugged and picked up her books and got up to go to her next class.

"Um Willow?"

~ Ooh that's me! ~ Buffy stopped in her tracks and turned to see the professor indicating for her, "Yes?"

"Willow is everything OK?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" Buffy frowned when Ms. Rachel placed her hand on hers. ~ What's with the touching. ohhh I hope Willow isn't having a fling with the teacher. Hey! That's illegal right? ~

"Willow you haven't answered one question. That's not like you. You're not warm so I assume you're not sick." She removed her hand.

~ Oh that was why she was touching me she thought I was sick coz I didn't answer any question. Sheesh I'm getting paranoid. ~

"Well I was concentrating on taking notes." Buffy explained showing her the books she's carrying.

The professor's eyes widened. "Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yes!" Buffy said exasperated. "Why do you keep saying that?"

The woman pointed at the book. "Well Ms. Rosenberg this is Native American History what you have there is African Music."

Buffy looked at the book, she blushed. "Umm, I have that next class I must've picked the wrong book. Gotta go now." She said hurriedly before exiting the classroom.

~~~*~~~

"Willow! Willow wait up!" A voice called at her.

~ Oh that's me again! ~

Buffy turned to see Tara running towards her ~ OK now or never. ~

Buffy waived, "Hey Tara."

"Hey Will, what's with the r. running?"

"I have class and I just humiliated myself in front of the professor." Buffy said coolly.

Tara looked at her questioning. "Wrong book", Buffy explained. Tara nodded her head and smiled shyly. ~ Oh isn't she cute when she blushes. oh not that I'm thinking that in a gay way. see I just ogled that hot guy's butt over there ~

"Willow?" Buffy looked away from the hot buns and saw Tara looking at her strangely "Are you OK?"

~ Ooh did she realize that I'm not Will? ~

"Yah?" Buffy asked worriedly.

"D. did you just c. check out that guy?"

"WHAT!" Buffy began to stutter all Willow like, "n. no, no checking out guys, totally gay here! He had. gum on him that's all"

Tara giggled.

Buffy looked at her watch ~ God I'm gonna be late to class. Willow is SO gonna kill me if that happened. ~

"Tara I have to go, and it's not that I have to go because I want to avoid you coz I don't want to avoid you. I have class!"

Tara smiled widely at that, she really missed Willow babble and she seems to be really handling the magic addiction; her aura was all clear.

"Sure, I only wanted to see how you're d. doing with the m. magic and I see you haven't been doing any, I'm glad. Well I have class too, bye!"

"Bye!"

Buffy ran to her next class, she made a mental note to tell Willow that Tara hadn't suspected anything.

******

Willow walked to the construction site. The sun was bright, too bright; it was burning her skin ~ uh .Xan's skin ~ she corrected herself. ~ Now I know why Xander has tanned skin. ~ She looked around at the men that were working here and there, and she realized she didn't know what to do.

"Xander!"

She turned her head towards a familiar face. He was a blond young man that she knew she had seen before. ~ Oh, he's the guy Xander brought to Buffy's birthday party. What's his name? ~

"Richard!"

She called back and hurried towards him.

"Hey Harris, what are you doing here early. We only have to paint over the wall we made yesterday."

"Uh I woke up and couldn't sleep." Willow said the first thing that came to her mind.

Richard roared with laughter. "That's a good one Xander, *you* couldn't sleep!" He said while placing his arm over Xander's shoulder and ringing his neck playfully.

~ Gah! Men play rough. ~

Richard the let go of Xander still laughing then slapped him on the back. Willow smiled weakly; she thought that the safe way out of another strangling match is talking.

~ But about what? ~

"Hey Rich?"

"Ya man?"

"How are your wounds, you know from that night at my friends' birthday party?"

Richard came closer. "You know they're better, Xan." Then he whispered, "So any luck with your friends?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, don't play dumb. Did they listen this time when you told them I know about the secrets behind the night in Sunnydale and that if they need any help I'm there, or did they ignore you like last time?"

Willow's brain -well technically Xander's brain- was going a million miles a minute. Richard knew, Xander knew that he knew, Xander told them but they didn't listen, they ignored him. Willow was still mentally gnawing at herself when Richard nudged her and she heard several catcalls.

Looking up she noticed what all the fuss was about. A tall slender well-curved brunet, wearing a skintight knee-high brown skirt, with an equally tight white shirt showing her well-defined breasts.  Willow couldn't help but gaze at her as hungrily as the other men were, if not more. Her brows furrowed, something is not right down there. She looked down, her eyes comically widened as she noticed the very prominent bulge in her pants. Being with a guy before she knew what that was.

~ OH MY GOD! I have a hard on ~ Willow looked around in fear that someone had noticed; relieved when she realized that they still were looking at the hot woman ~ Oh I did not just think that! I love Tara. ~ She thought forcibly.

She remembered that when men on TV got hard in inappropriate situations they thought about other things. ~ OK. A chair that's not hot and Xander clothes those are SO not hot ~ she still remembered the frightful sight when she got dressed this morning all the loose fitting brightly colored clothes ~ **glower** I should have worn one of those instead of tight jeans! OK think something else. Xander said that Giles singing was a major no no, but I really liked that, he had the softest voice. Oh bad train of thought. amm blood yes blood!! It's icky specially how Spike eats it with all that 'texture' he puts in it. YAK! ~ Willow sighed when she felt the erection recede.

~ Eeek I had an erection! Huh, how many girls can say that? ~

Willow shook her head to clear the jumbling thoughts and followed the other men to the tall wall they're about to paint, thanking the Goddess for it being a painting job and that she wasn't required to build anything. She was also glad that today is Friday; they have two days to figure out how to fix their switch. She wasn't sure she could take more of these strange male reactions.

******

"C'mon, Xan. Kick at me again and harder this time!"

The three friends met at the Magic Box, after Willow finished work and Buffy's day at college ended. Everyone started talking about his/her hard day. The most significant thing was what Buffy told them about Tara not noticing anything. Buffy decided to teach Xander how to fight, now that he's the slayer, he's the one who should go patrolling. alone, since Buffy and Willow chose to stay at the shop to do some research on how they'll fix themselves. The slayer should patrol no matter what. It's not the innocent people's fault that 'things' are mixed up.

Buffy's moves weren't affected by being in Willow's body. She still got the style but without the slayer powers. It wasn't long when Xander learned some moves, then the three of them decided to take a break.

"Guys, what's the strangest experience that you faced when all of this happened?" Buffy asked.

"Peeing!" Both Xander and Willow answered in unison.

"Ewww, nooo. I mean something strange happened and you couldn't control it. Like I dreamed last night, I was Willow, in junior high, tutoring Xander and Jesse Algebra. Then, I gave them tests and when they finished they asked to go get a drink of water. I said yes. When I opened their papers I saw a funny drawing of me, I mean Willow, yelling. And guess what, they didn't go to drink water!" Buffy glared at Xander.

Willow's eyebrows rose. "Oh Goddess, that did happen before!"

"You mean that wasn't just a dream? It did happen before?" Buffy asked. Willow nodded. "Well, what about you guys? Did you have any dreams?"

"Yeah, I dreamt that I, Buffy, and Dawn went to Disneyland with mom and dad. It was so fun, but I had this strange feeling that I've been there before and I've *never* been to Disneyland. It's like I was having Buffy's feelings, not mine." Xander said.

"That happened to me, too." Buffy said. "I knew everything about Algebra. Things I've never understood before, and I was so furious when you guys didn't understand. I mean it was so easy."

"What about you, Willow? What did you dream about?" Xander asked the version of himself.

Willow scowled. "I dreamt about your smoothies with Cordelia in the closet. Ewww, I mean I had the 'I care about you, Cordy' feelings and what's with you *men* and hardons. Ew." Willow couldn't stop with the 'Eww' face, which looked hilarious on Xander's face.

Xander blushed. "You . you actually saw that?"

"Not just saw it! I felt it, too! Eww."

Xander blushed harder.

Buffy jumped in her seat. "Awww, I'm so cute when I'm blushing. Do it again Xander, please."

"W .what?" Xander blushed even more. Buffy couldn't help herself; her hands were on her cheeks, and she squealed. "Awww, cuuuute."

Willow rolled her eyes. "Can we stop that, please? Ok, I think I know what's going on with us, guys. Those aren't just dreams, those are our memories. I see Xander's past in my dreams, Buffy sees mine, and Xander sees Buffy's." Willow explained.

Buffy and Xander's faces paled. "Are . are you s .sure?" Buffy stuttered.

"That's the logical explanation, Buffy." Willow answered sadly.

"But . but those are my memories, and what if Xander saw my secrets? I don't want him knowing my secrets! That can't be!" She exclaimed.

If anyone ever heard her, they'd think she's being cruel but she had every the right to freak out. Xander and Willow both didn't like idea of someone dreaming about their past and secrets. The scary idea made the three friends lose themselves to their thoughts. Then Willow broke the silence. "I guess that means we should do our best in research today, right?"

Xander and Buffy nodded their heads in agreement, and then Xander turned to Buffy. "I think I've rested enough, let's go train some more. And tonight I'll try searching for Warren and his geeks."

Buffy nodded mutely. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's gonna be OK, believe me." he said reassuring her.

She smiled at him, although he could see the gloom in her eyes, and then said. "Let's go."

The two of them went to the training room leaving Willow to start on research.

******

That night, Xander walked through the cemeteries - as the slayer - looking for the vampires. He only ran into two vamps and staked them easily. The now blond girl still couldn't push away the stupid grin he had on his face since then, ~ can you blame me? I kicked ass! ~

He still had the weird feeling of being smaller, and with every step he takes he feels the missing part of him. ~ I miss my penis! ~ He thought sadly. ~ I hope Willow is taking good care of it. ~

"'Ello 'luv."

He froze, when he heard the familiar British accent, he turned his gaze towards the bleached vampire who smiled at him smugly.

~ Uh oh, Spike! ~ Xander remembered his conversation with Buffy in her room.

**Flash Back**

"I don't see why I should change my clothes just for slaying!" Xander whined, while Buffy helped dressing him. Buffy dragged him from the Magic Box to her house *just* to change his clothes. ~ She's totally obsessed! ~

"There's nothing wrong with looking good while slaying vamps." Buffy replayed casually.

"I looked just fine at the Magic Shop; there was no need to change."

"There." Buffy smiled as she tied the straps of her sky-blue blouse on his back. She forced him to sit down so she could do his hair and make up. ~ Well, it's her body after all ~ Xander said logically to his sullen brain.

"Don't worry, Xan. I'm sure me and Will are gonna find a solution in research tonight."

"I hope so. I mean the whole dreaming thing is freaking me out."

There was a pause at that between them then. After doing the make up, Buffy started to fix the hair. He stared at her-Willow face in the mirror; she seemed lost in her own thoughts. He didn't blame her, that was too spooky, even if Buffy had experienced this body changing stuff before, it's not something that you could get use to.

Then Buffy broke the silence. "Xander? Uh, if you run into Spike, try to ignore him, okay?"

Xander frowned. "Well, Buff. As much as I like to ignore the bleached freak, I don't think that I should push him away. His helping in slaying is a good thing."

"But what if he knew that you're not me?"

"Buffy," he began. "You said it yourself that Tara didn't suspect anything. She knows Willow better than Spike knows any of us, he won't suspect."

"But he knows my moves. He'll know that you're not me."

"I'm not sure that us keeping 'it' a secret is such a good thing maybe he can help with."

"Trust me Xander, avoiding him is gonna be for the best. Plus, I trained you just fine. You can hold your ground if you avoid the usually full cemeteries and stick to the route I told you about."

He looked at her pleading face, and sighed. "All right, if that's what you want."

**End Flash Back**

"Where did you go, 'luv?"

Spike smirked at him. He rolled his eyes walking away. "Go away, chip-head."

Spike stared at the blond walking away. He expected the cold shoulder but what hurt him was the use of the word 'chip-head'. She hadn't used that word lately; she either called him Spike or William like he was a person. He knew she broke it off with him, but. he thought she's going to treat him with a little respect at least.

He followed her without a word. Xander sighed with annoyance, and turned to face Spike. He shivered when his gaze locked on Spike's chest. He looked up firmly at blue eyes. "Check your ears vamp-face; I said 'go away' that means leave."

"Oh is this how it's going to be? Use me then leave me!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"So it's denial now, is it! Let me refresh your memory. *You* having hot naked sweaty sex with *me*!"

"I'd never do that!" Xander screamed then he realized that Spike is talking about Buffy not him.

"Oh you did *do* that, Buffy, over and over again!"

He approached and Xander stepped back looking at him in disgust. "I would never, you bleached freak."

Xander couldn't take any of this so he punched Spike, hard. The slayer strength caused Spike to be thrown several feet away. Spike raised his hand to brush at his lip where there were several blood drops. He then slowly got up and approached a shocked Xander.

"So you're back to the rough play are you, *slayer*." Spike spat the name venomously. Xander inwardly cringed; it had been a long time since Spike called Buffy that. Spike stood in front of him, "But you forgot that now I can fight back!" He returned the punch with fervor and caused Xander to fall away as well.

Xander carefully got up, "You can hit me?"

Spike began to laugh, "Oh you know I can! Or do you want to forget the reason why I can hit you and no one else can coz your 'friends' brought you back wrong!"

"No! *You're* wrong." Xander shook his head in denial, was that the real reason why Buffy wanted him to avoid the vampire? So he wouldn't find out. "Nothing you said is true!"

"You just don't get that do you? You conveniently forget everything after getting what you want," he began circling the stricken Xander. "You had a good deal didn't you? Get a free fuck with Spike, go back to your friends and pretend nothing happened. No but that wasn't enough with you was it, you've 'forbidden' me from seeing the Bit, on the basis that 'they'll' find out!" Spike spat out, "Then reliable soldier boy comes back with his lovely marriage and you're wanting nothing with me coz I can't give you that!"

"The demon eggs." Xander said softly.

Spike brushed at his hair, "You knew that they were for you, you needed money I told you I'll get you money." He said his eyes shining with love.

~ Love for Buffy not me! ~ Xander closed his mind against the alien thought. He took a deep breath and said forcibly, "I didn't have anything to do with you." Xander said that with a slight pleading sound, trying to make himself believe something other than the truth that was staring at him.

The love that was shining in the blonde-haired vampire's eyes dimmed. Spike looked at him dangerously and said in a scary low voice. "Oh I'll remind you, slayer."

He grabbed Xander's arm and forcefully pressed his body to Xander's. His arms wrapped around Xander's waist, holding him tight. Xander struggled to free himself from the powerful grip, before Spike brushed his lips against his. Wide-eyed Xander tried to move his face away, but Spike pressed his lips more firmly. They were cold, in a pleasant kind of way. The blond vampire started sucking Xander's full bottom lip. Xander didn't try to push away anymore. With Spike's lips nibbling and teasing his, his lips slightly parted. He jumped when a cold tongue slipped into his mouth.

Xander's world tilted. He closed his eyes as Spike's cool tongue was brushing against his own. He couldn't feel anything around him. He only felt the hard, muscled body he was pressed into, the strong hands that squeezed his waist and the mouth that was devouring his in a bruising kiss. Xander was kissing back with hunger and need. His hands that were on Spike's chest moved to surround his neck, desperately holding on to it.

He felt Spike's groin against his thigh. Xander moaned with pleasure. He also felt the vampire's fingers playing with the straps of his blouse. Xander whimpered when Spike's erection pressed harder. Spike's hands tore at the straps.

Xander broke the kiss violently when he felt he was going to choke. He forgot he was kissing a vampire. ~ God I kissed him back! ~ He stared at the vampire, eyes wide, breathing hard. Spike's eyes were cold, looking at him like he had proved a point. He let go of Xander and the blond girl fell onto the ground. Xander looked up at Spike's hard stare, his breath still hitching. The vampire turned on his heals and left.

Hugging himself, Xander stared at Spike's retreating back until he disappeared into the shadows. He didn't know what frightened him the most; the fact that Buffy was sleeping with Spike or the fact that Spike could hurt Buffy or the fact that he *liked* the kiss, a lot.

~Part: 3~

Spike heatedly slammed the crypt door. He had realized when Buffy made it clear before that their relationship, or what ever they had was called, was over. He only wanted to patrol with her, that's all and maybe ... court her? ~ *grr* I'm not channeling William! ~

Well they did have sex, which meant something right? ~ Or at least it did with me ~ He was sure that there was something between them and all he had to do was find a way for Buffy to see that too. All right, he knew she would reject him, and tease him, and practically stomp on his un-beating heart. That's how it is with them, their game, but ... never this. Before she'd threaten to kill him, she'd beat him up to within an inch of his un-life if he ever told anyone about them. She'd tell him he was a monster and a substitute to *Angel* but never, NEVER, acted like nothing happened.

He sighed and leaned back against the wall. ~ fuck! I'm turning into my bleedin poof of a sire. ~ He pulled out a cigarette and flicked on his lighter. A faint glow lessened the darkness in the crypt. He strongly inhaled the calming smoke and sighed as the nicotine spread throughout his dead lungs giving him even a little sense of warmth.

Something was wrong with the Slayer. He was sure of it. His senses screamed about something. But she looked the same, smelt the same and even tasted the same. He grinned remembering the kiss then frowned. There was something wrong though. It was the way she walked, ~ she was off her edge somehow like she was . . .  missing something, and somewhat uncomfortable in her own skin. ~ Also, the kiss. Yes, the kiss. Knowing Buffy so well, she had always been violent in the way she acted, even in their first kiss. However, this time was different, maybe because he kissed her first. She used to be the one who started with the kissing. But this time she was trying hard, too hard, to block the kiss, and then she finally gave in and returned it wholeheartedly.

Blowing out the smoke, he touched his lips lightly. He had to admit it. He really liked the kiss. It was the first time she kissed him that way, all soft and somehow more  passionately.

******

Xander walked slowly into the Magic Box. His mind was troubled. A lot of stuff happened tonight and he couldn't connect them with each other.

"Hey, Xan!"

He looked up at Willow's concerned brown eyes. He was so confused that he didn't notice how odd it was to see his best friend with his face looking down at him all worried and concerned.

"Oh Gosh Xand. You look like shit." Buffy hurried towards him, looking very distressed. Looking at herself, hair all messed up, her pants were covered with mud and grass, and the straps of her blouse were ripped off. ~ Please let it not be Spike. Please anything but Spike. ~

Xander's eyes were on the ground. He couldn't bear to look at her face. He just discovered the horrible secret she had been hiding from them all. He knew why she was the one who freaked out the most about the dreams, that's why she gave him all those warnings about seeing Spike. Was that also the reason to way she cut herself out of their lives since she was brought back from the dead? Why did she go to Spike, the evil soulless demon, and not to one of them, her friends?

"My clothes are ruined Xander. What happened?" Buffy asked in her worried Willow voice.

Xander gave her a quick glance before looking away. "Um ... I ran into a big number of vamps. It took me some time to dust them all. It was a hell of a fight!" ~ I lied. Why did I lie? I should scream at Buffy; she was crazy to sleep with the evil undead! So why aren't I? ~

"Are you sure?" Buffy asked.

Xander faked a confused look. "Of course I'm sure. What do you think happened, Buffy?"

She smiled nervously. "Nothing. I was just checking on you, seeing if you're okay." She mentally sighed with relief at his nod. Is he lying? She was used to lying to all her friends about this, but this was Xander, sweet Xander who doesn't keep anything from his friends.

~ Not like me ~

No, if Xander did meet Spike and found out about everything, he'd be blowing up at her face right now. He always did with Angel; he never hid his feelings when it came to her and vampires, especially if it was Spike.

"So," Xander turned to Willow asking. "Found anything on research?"

Willow shook her head, "nothing at all." She glanced at the shop clock. "Uh . . .  guys? It's getting late. Can we look into it tomorrow?" She had to go to the bank to get the money Xander owed his father.

"She's right, it's getting late. Let's just go home." Xander said as he grabbed the keys to the magic shop.

******

Warren and Andrew were watching the three friends exit the shop on the screen.

"Damn it, it didn't work!" Warren said as he observed the three on the monitor that showed them the inside of the Magic Box. "They're still alive! How's fixing the gun turning up Jonathan?"

"St . still alive?" Jonathan asked confused. "The laser wasn't supposed to kill 'em. I told you I liked them, they were nice to me in high school!"

"Yah! Me too." Andrew agreed while stuffing his mouth with some popcorn he fixed up to eat while watching the lives of the Scoobies.

"Oh shut up Andrew. They didn't even know you!!" He then turned his gaze back to a scowling Jonathan. "You didn't answer me. How's the laser gun turning up?" he snapped.

"I still can't find anything wrong with the spell *I* used." Jonathan snapped back. "And what was all that about them 'being alive'? I thought you made the gun Andrew and me packed with a soul steeling spell to capture their essence not to kill them Warren!"

"That's what I meant to say if you would shut up and let me talk," Warren quickly made an excuse. "When the laser didn't extract their souls I assumed that you two," he pointed accusingly at Jonathan and Andrew, "had messed up your spell and that their souls were thrown out of their bodies and that they were dead when I saw them not moving. That is why I'm now surprised to see them alive!"

Andrew pouted, "I didn't miss up my part of the spell!" Warren rolled is eyes at that, "Hey Warren, you didn't say what you were going to do if it did work and captured their souls in the gun."

"Oh . . . that, yes, well after we took the souls of the Slayer and her friends we were going to take over Sunnydale and then return them to their bodies so they'd be our slaves, yep that was the plan." Warren answered with a confident voice ~ God I'm a genius! ~

"Can I have Xander when it works next time?" Andrew's exited voice broke Warren out of his happy musings.

"Huh?" He looked confused. He wasn't sure he heard that.

"Why would you want Xander?" Jonathan asked with mischief.

"I . . . well he's all tall and strong and . . . he can fix things and well I have things that need fixing in my place." Andrew stuttered.

"Yah you do." Warren said annoyed ~ sheesh good help is so hard to find these days ~ he thought as he turned back towards the screen showing the now empty shop ~ I wonder what they were researching I bet a new demon, too bad I can't hear what they say ~

~ I don't trust Warren I'm gonna keep my eyes on him. ~ Jonathan thought before looking back down at the gun trying to see if he *did* do the spell wrong.

Andrew sighed and munched down on a piece of popcorn ~ too bad Spike doesn't have a soul ~

******

Dawn heard their front door open. "You guys are back?" she asked as she dashed to the door where Buffy and Willow entering the house. Her sister gave her a small smile and a quiet, "Hey Dawn," before heading upstairs.

Willow looked worriedly at Buffy, and asked. "You OK, um . . . Buffy?"

"I'm fine, just had a rough night at slaying. I'm sure I'll be just as right as rain after a good night sleep." Buffy said without looking down and she continued heading up.

Dawn furrowed her brows; there was something very wrong with her sister. She heard Willow speaking which stopped her from following Buffy and demanding to tell her what was wrong, "How's your exam?"

"Fine." she simply answered with a shrug.

"Was it hard?"

"Kinda"

"What do you mean 'kinda'? Did you do well? Were there a lot of mistakes? What?"

Dawn's eyebrows rose with amazement. ~ Whoa, what happened to Willow? ~ Usually when Buffy and Willow came back from a hard day of patrolling, research and shop keeping, Willow would just say hi and ask a simple question about school and then go take a shower. Buffy was the one who asked all the annoying questions, ~ well duh, she's my big sister! ~ This time though she didn't ask a single one. Ok she didn't use to pay her much attention, but that was before the incident at her birthday. Buffy started to act more like a big sister since then. ~ There's something weird going on here! And I'm going to find out what ~

******

Xander started out of the bathroom wrapping a towel around his waist. He felt a jiggling and looked down ~ Oh, Good! ~ He quickly covered the breasts with his hands, each hand over one boob. ~ Eeek bosom Buffy! ~ He quickly removed his hands and the raised the towel to cover them without looking down, concentrating on the ceiling. A sideway glance at the hairdryer made him shudder ~ I don't know how women use that evil thing! ~ He went to Buffy's wardrobe and picked an oversized T-shirt, and on a second thought, he pulled on some panties, praying to who ever would hear, that his guy friends would never find out. ~ Like they'd believe it either way. ~

He dropped heavily on Buffy's bed and stared up at the ceiling.

~ Ok, let's go through this again. ~

Buffy is having sex with Spike, who can hurt her and she didn't even tell them. Why didn't she tell them that Spike can hurt her? Did he force Buffy into .?

~ No, no, that wasn't it. Spike acted like she was the one who used him, left him. Why would Buffy do that? Why would she do *that* with Spike? ~

His lips curled up in disgust. God, what was she thinking?  ... Spike! Soulless undead walking big bad Spike! Hadn't she learned anything from dating Angel? ~ thought Deadboy had one up on Fangless he had a soul ~ She gave him everything even her blood when he needed it. And the result; he left her. It didn't matter then that he had a soul or not, he left. These creatures are all the same.

~ And what about you? You left your bride at the altar and you're a human. ~ But he did it for Anya. If they went through with the marriage, he would've hurt her. He knew that. He did this because he loved her. ~ Angel also left Buffy 'coz he loved her. ~ Xander sighed heavily, maybe Spike was better than both of them, and he was the soulless one too!

But still . . . Spike?! Who would ever want to have anything to do with Spike? ~ Well you didn't seem to have a problem with it when he *kissed* you. ~ That's different, Spike distracted him with that small but compact body and bluer than blue eyes and those soft kissable lips. Besides, he didn't like it. ~ Oh give me a break! If you didn't like it then why were you holding on to him like you're life was depending on it? And were moaning so hard it echoed in his mouth coz you hated it? And most importantly, why were you kissing him back? Huh? Huh? ~ Oh, shut up brain.

Ok, seriously, the kiss. He had to admit that Spike was a good kisser. ~ Well he's had a century to practice! ~ He was drawn to the kiss, to the feeling of Spike's cool soft lips against his own. ~ Eek! No thoughts about manly soft lips, brain! ~ These feelings are obviously because of his break up with Anya. He needed comfort and Spike was there so . . . ~ Yeah, right! ~ I thought I told you to shut up.

Xander yawned with exhaustion and snuggled down in the bed. Enough thinking for him, he needed his precious sleep.

******

A breathless Xander woke up with a start. ~ That couldn't be. That's not true. Nonono ~ Xander hugged his legs closer to his body and began to rock in the dark, back and forth, back and forth the images of his dream still flashing in front of his eyes ~ not dream, Nightmare!! ~ falling, falling feeling the wind through his hair. But he wasn't afraid. No, he had made his peace with the world. Then there was crackling, electricity flowed through his body and there was pain. He knew there would be. But this was a cleansing pain, a short pain, then peace, utmost peace. Warm arms wrapped around him, familiar arms, calm comforting smell ~ Mom!? ~

Then it was gone, all of it. She - he felt pain when he was taken from the peace. Immense pains as he experienced with every fiber of his body, his return, his resurrection. He was in his body again but it didn't feel right ~ I'm not supposed to be here! ~ He wanted to scream, yell, but all he could do was gasp for breath. He opened his eyes and there was blackness, instead of light. He was trapped.

His breath quickened and the air became thicker and thicker. Somewhere, something primal, his instinct, drove him to find a way to escape, to break out.

Finally he escaped from his prison and crawled out of the earth. He sat there looking back from where he came out. This was wrong, he at least remembers this. He used to watch as others not like himself slink out of the soil like this, not him, this is wrong. ~ It must be a dream. I have to find a way to wake up. ~ He began to run trying to find what took him to his haven, to the warm arms before. Only that could wake him up and everything would be fine again.

What he saw in his journey was all wrong, he knews that. ~ This shouldn't have happened. I stopped this, now I know it isn't real ~ He quickens his pace. She - he sees himself being torn a part by demons. The demons notice him and start to follow as he runs faster. She - he jumps and finds himself in front of familiar faces ~ No this is wrong!! ~ He runs away frightened, not wanting to believe. The demons find him he's afraid and angry. He doesn't let them stop him and fights his way until he reaches his destination. He looks up ~ Yes this is the way back! ~ He heads up the tower. He stands at the top ~ I remember! ~. A presence interrupts him ~ I died for her ~. He questions the little girl if he was in hell and tries to jump. The he tower starts to collapse and Dawn begs him to come with her, she's - he's needed.

~ No I already helped! ~ But looking at the face that he gave up everything for he relents. A rope and pulley to get them partially to the ground, and they fall the rest of the distance with him cushioning the fall and rolls them out of the way before the tower collapses completely.

A flash; he was being hugged, welcomed back into the arms of his 'saviors', his friends. He confesses that he was in hell and that they saved him and that he appreciates that they brought him back. He couldn't take it, the lies they were too much. He needed air, he had to breathe. He's finally away from them, but here sits someone else, someone who cared about him when he came back, who cared before. He wants to talk to this one. He knows *he would* understand. He has to!

Spike tries to talk to him and offers his help if there is any way he can. She - he admits to him that although he wasn't sure, he wasn't in Hell ... he thinks he was in Heaven and his friends took her away from that. She - he tells him the exactness he's a part of now this is *his* Hell, and tells him that his friends must never know.

Xander quickly jumps off the bed and runs to the bathroom and throws up as he started to cry. Now he knows why.

******

Next morning, Xander found Buffy in the kitchen eating pancakes. She beamed at him. "It's Buffy and Willow's Day of Pancakes. Careful or there won't be any left for you."

Xander smiled, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. Buffy noticed. "Xander, is something wrong?"

He took a seat next to her. "There's something I want to tell you."

Her heart started pounding. "About what?"

"Last night I had this dream."

Buffy tried so hard to remain calm, but her eyes were wide with fear. ~ It's Spike. Yes, he saw me with Spike oh God! ~

"What was it about?"  She asked calmly.

She didn't miss the sadness in the green eyes. "I'm sorry, Buffy."

Buffy blinked. ~ Did I miss something? ~ It wasn't supposed to go this way. She was expecting the disappointment on Xander's Buffy-face with the brotherly lecture, ~ not to forget the yelling ~ instead of the sad guilty expression and the apology. "What?" She asked confused.

"I saw you in heaven, or I *was* you in heaven with your mom. I felt so happy, finally in peace, no responsibilities and nothing to care about. There was no pain, no fear 'till they pulled me out of it." Xander can still remember the words he told Spike in the vivid dream he had last night. "I was so confused. Why did they do this? I thought they were demons with my friends' faces, but they actually *were* my friends. I was so lost I-I didn't want this. I wanted the peace I was in, I-I wanted heaven, why did they take me from it?"

Xander was shaking, his eyes were wide and he had that damned urge to cry again. Buffy had her arm around the shivering form's shoulders. "Oh, Xander." Her other hand was holding Xander's shaking ones that had a death grip on one of her long sweaters he was wearing. "It's Ok, I used to have those feelings but I got over them now. It's no big deal."

His eyes got even wider. "No big deal?" He looked at her with fear filled eyes. "*I* was in heaven and *you* took me from it. Why did you do this, Willow? Why did you bring me here, where it's all pain and fear? Why?"

Buffy bit her bottom lip, watching her *own* features so frightening and hearing her *own* voice speaking. That was what she looked like months ago, all lost and scared, wanting desperately to go back to where she was safe and happy. She understood how Xander felt; she was in this position before. What frightened her was that Xander forgot who he was and thought she was Willow.

She held the crying blonde in her arms murmuring words of comfort and kissing his head. Suddenly she heard Dawn's foot steps upstairs, "Xander, not now. Dawn is coming, you have to stop."

Xander sniffed raising his head from her shoulder, "I'm sorry, Buffy." he mumbled guiltily.

Buffy smiled warmly. "Hey, I forgave you all, remember, I'm fine. Now go wash *my* face before Dawn sees you." He chuckled softly at the reminder of him wearing her face, and went to the sink. He washed his face then wiped it with a towel, before looking at her.

He gave her an embarrassed grin. "I kinda lost myself there, huh? Sorry."

She smiled. "That's OK. I've been there before." Sighing, she said, "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that."

"I'm sorry you had to go through it in the first place." he said sadly.

"Hey, none of that now 'K? Dawn is coming down any minute."

Xander sat next to her. "I hope Willow doesn't take long to come here, she has to pick up Dawn for school and we don't want a repeat of yesterday's fiasco."

Buffy nodded. She had thanked God that day when Janice's mother rang the door bell in the morning to pick Dawn up, telling them that she promised the girls to take them to school that day. The whole fiasco happened because the 'Xan-man' forgot to tell them that Dawn informed him about it the day before and they were frantic because Willow left for the construction site and forgot to drop Dawn off at school.

Xander started eating the pancakes, "I'm glad she agreed to take that tutoring class every Saturday."

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, she's been slack with her studies lately."

"Is Xander here yet?" Dawn said as she entered the kitchen.

"Not yet." Buffy said and worriedly looked at the clock on the kitchen wall, ~ where's Willow anyway? ~

******

Willow parked Xander's car in front of the Summers' drive way. She hoped she wasn't late and if she got a lecture from Buffy and Xander, she couldn't tell them she was actually waiting for Xander's father to show so she could give him half of Xander's wedding costs.

She couldn't believe how angry Mr. Harris got when she didn't bring the whole due. What did that man expect? If Xander could've afforded the wedding he would've paid for it himself.

She used the key to open the door, and called out, "Come on Dawnie; don't want to be late for work." She was ticked when Richard told her they have to be at the site on Saturday because they had a deadline to meet.

Dawn took her bag and raced to the door. Buffy and Xander came to Willow. "Where were you?" Buffy hissed.

"Don't tell me it's the alarm clock? It's the alarm, right?" Xander said knotting his fingers in worry.

Willow looked at him for a second. It saddened her how clueless he was about what was going on in his life. She finally forced a smile to her lips. "No, it wasn't the alarm. I'm just a lousy morning person."

"Xander, c'mon! I'm gonna be late for school!" Dawn shouted from the passenger seat of the car.

Xander shooed Willow out. "C'mon go, *Xander*. You don't wanna be late for work on a *Saturday*."

Willow glared at him. "You're enjoying this too much!" She then hurried to the car and drove towards Dawn's school. She was lost in her own thoughts when Dawn broke the silence.

"Did you notice how they've been acting lately?"

Willow looked at her, frowning. "Who?"

"Buffy and Willow. They're acting totally out of character in the last couple of days."

Willow hoped those two didn't fake it too much. "Oh you know how things are lately, Dawnie. Buffy is working hard to make money and you know she isn't an Anya not that I hated Anya coz she was my fiancé and we were gonna get married and didn't coz I had some weird type of cold feat, and you know Willow's going cold turkey with the magic and I think she's doing great, don't you?" Willow babbled.

Dawn chuckled. "You and Willow are so alike."

Willow panicked. ~ No, I'm the Xan-man, absolutely not Willow here. ~ She was about to protest when Dawn continued on. "Which, when you think about it, is expected coz of you two have grown up together and everything."

Willow let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah, of course. Why else?" Willow breathed out.

~ Phew that was too close! ~

******

Later at night, Xander was alone in the magic shop. Buffy was taking an exam on Monday and of course perfect Miss. Rosenberg can't have a bad grade and Buffy needed all the tutoring that is possible, so she and Willow were using his apartment for studying.

Xander was getting bored; the fact of him that he was alone and the lack of customers was killing him. He still couldn't get over the dream he had last night, and Buffy insisted that he shouldn't tell Willow about it. She was feeling guilty enough so there was no need to push. He felt so bad for crying in Buffy's arms about this. She was the one who needed to cry, she was the one who deserved comfort and yet they didn't give it to her.

They caused the whole mess and just didn't see how much it was hurting her, ~ some friends we are! ~ Spike was the one who noticed. Spike was the one who comforted her, and Spike was the one Buffy trusted. Yes, in the dream he felt the trust Buffy always had for Spike. She didn't love him and that was obvious but sometimes there are people that you love but don't trust.

He was going through the stuff in the Magic Box to entertain himself until it was time to close shop. Buffy was so strict about not closing the shop before 11 o'clock.

~ Not to mention how she made me swear not to touch anything magical coz she didn't want a repeat of crazy singing and dancing courtesy of yours truly ~ Xander chuckled as he replaced some jars on the shelves.

~ So where was I? ~ Oh, yes, the Buffy trust Spike thing. Ok, he never appreciated the vamp but he couldn't deny that Spike cared about them in a way and not just because of Buffy. Let's face it people, Spike took care of Dawn and he fought side by side with him when Buffy was in the grave. So it wasn't just that he wanted to show off for Buffy because she . . . well, she was dead.

Ok, so maybe he promised Buffy to take care of the Dawnster but he cares about her and Dawn likes him too, also Tara, and Willow. ~ That vamp really attracts the feminine side ~ God, even Anya who only cared about him liked Spike. His chest tightened at the remembrance of his ex-fiancé. When will the time come that he won't feel like the scum of the earth whenever he thought about her? She loved him, and the word 'love' is not enough to describe the way Anya felt about him. She would have given him anything he'd ask her with no hesitation and he had just crushed her, broke her heart on their wedding day and in front of everyone.

His eyes narrowed looking at the paintings he saw in a drawer. These were Anya and Dawn's paintings that Dawn talked about that night. There was a sketch of a dress with Dawn's name under it. The next one was a painting of money, Xander chuckled sadly. ~ Same old Anya. ~ Then there was a painting of a man wearing a tux holding hands with a blond woman in a wedding dress, under it was written 'My Wedding to Xander'.

Xander couldn't hold the tears from falling, his heartbeat got faster, and his breath was hitching. The papers in his hands fell from the shaking hands. He started whimpering and his legs couldn't hold him up. He dropped to his knees and began crying as he hugged himself.

This time he didn't care whether he was crying or not. The pain was too much to control. The hurt was tearing him apart, but he deserved it. He let it surge through him. He was rocking so hard and crying like he had never cried before.

He felt arms wrapping around his violently shaking body, drawing him to the hard muscled chest. He raised his head to see Spike's loving expression looking down at him. Xander's eyes were locked in the warm blue ones that only showed love and care. He let his head fall against Spike's chest again.

He didn't care who was holding him, he just needed it. Just being held like that, wanting the comfort, the care and the love even if it wasn't for him. ~ Spike did this before for Buffy more than once ~ he remembered from the dream. He sank in the calming embrace and his fingers were clutched onto Spike's duster so he wouldn't leave. He felt Spike's hand on his head, and heard the soft comforting mutters. Something moved in his aching heart and when he felt the soft kiss on his head, his crying got even harder.

He didn't know when he started to calm down, but he knew he cried for more than a half an hour. He didn't want to stop but he was hurting too much to keep going. His head was sore because of all the crying. He wiggled a bit to get comfortable in the embrace laying his head on Spike's shoulder. He closed his eyes and just stayed there with Spike still holding him, running his fingers through his long hair.

Finally, Xander took a deep breath before raising his head and looking at the caring blue eyes. "I'm . I'm sorry, I just ."

"It's okay 'luv. Feel better?"

The soft voice only gave out caring and love bringing warmth into Xander's heart. He smiled. "I'm fine, thank you."

Spike was stunned. ~ Thank you? She never . . . and that smile . . . ~ "It's alright, pet. As long as you're ok."

Xander slowly stood up and headed to the bathroom in the back to wash his face. ~ That's twice today I had to do this ~ When he came back he found Spike looking at one of the paintings. He spotted the black tux on the paper and quickly snatched it from the vampire's hand. "That's what got you all tear up, 'luv?"

Xander's heart was pounding, "look, it's not."

"It upsets me, too." Spike said sincerely.

Xander stared at Spike in disbelief. "Really?"

Spike shrugged. "Yeah, you know. They looked so in love, before everything fell apart that is."

Xander crossed his arms around his chest, looking strictly at Spike. "I think Xander was a jerk."

Spike raised an eyebrow and Xander continued, "He left his bride that loved him more than anyone, standing at the altar. She was looking forward for this day since he proposed to her. She was always talking about it, she was planning and sketching and . . . he ruined everything because he stupidly believed he'd become his father. He knew those visions weren't true and yet . . ."

"What visions?" Spike interrupted looking confused.

Xander blinked then it hit him that Spike didn't know why he broke it off with Anya. He actually didn't talk about it with Willow. No one knew what he saw in those visions and he never told anyone about his feelings, simply because nobody asked. "Um . . . Xander kinda told us that." He answered.

Spike nodded and looked at the ground. Xander looked at him. "You think he's a jerk, too, right?"

"No."

Xander's brows rose high threatening to reach the line of his hair from his bewilderment. "What?"

Spike smiled at his confusion. "I think he was just too edgy to think it through. He saw some visions where he was acting like his drunk of a father and it got all mixed up, right?." Spike asked guessing what the visions were about and when Xander nodded he continued. "I lived in that basement, Buffy. I had to sleep to the sounds of their racket. I hid when his drunken father came for the rent and the mother to complain. I hated my stay there and it was just for a bleedin' two weeks, but Xander put up with it for more than 19 years. Imagine how he felt when he saw those visions."

"But they weren't true." Xander retorted.

"It felt true to him." Spike said. "Xander's biggest mistake was holding those feelings inside and not talking about them with his friends."

"But Xander is a man. Men don't share their feelings, nu uh. That's what women do; men don't share or cry they barely even hug!" ~ Oh, like you didn't cry in this guy's arms just a minute ago! ~ That's because of the girl's body! ~ Stupid brain! ~

Spike raised his scarred brow. "Uhh and that would make me what? Less of a man?" Spike inquired stalking towards Xander.

"Um no . . . Huh?" Xander answered wearily, and then remembered. Spike crying when Drusilla left him when Buffy died, Spike and Dawn hugging hells even when Spike first came to Sunnydale he hugged Angel! "You're a vamp?"

"Uh huh?" Spike inched closer and ran his finger over Buffy/Xander's face.

"With the softest heart?"

"Huh . . .?"

Xander looked up as Spike was practically in his face, "*and* a great kisser?"

"You got it." Spike whispered leaning down to softly kiss the inviting lips. Loving the gentleness of it and lingering there for a few minutes before needing to break it because his partner needed to breathe.

For Xander the kiss was different from the first. This was softer and gentler. Somewhat like his first kiss he had with Anya. ~ Yes! That's why; I'm twisting my feelings for Anya towards Spike. I'm not attracted to a bleached *male* vampire. It's only in my twisted brain. Bad brain! ~

Xander stepped back enough to see Spike's face. He didn't realize that he was touching his still vibrating lips. "Um, you wanna patrol? I think I need some stress relieved."

Spike closed his duster but not fast enough for Xander not to see the big bulge in his pants and swallow hard. Spike cleared his throat. "Right then, let's go!"

They exited the shop after Xander made sure it was closed and headed towards the nearest cemetery.

After a few minutes of silence Xander pulled on his courage and asked about something he wanted to question Spike about in the Magic Box.

"If you had known about the visions Xander saw, would you have stopped him?"

Spike was startled for a second, Buffy rarely talked with him. They used to do that a lot before, talk, but that was before the . . . sex came into picture. He was beginning to like this new Buffy a lot. So he didn't hesitate to answer.

"No."

"Why not!" Xander exclaimed.

"We're not friends" Spike said simply. When he noticed Buffy cringing, he explained "He didn't and doesn't want my friendship, simple as that."

Xander stopped and watched as Spike continued on his way without him.

~ Maybe it was true before but I think I wouldn't mind any more.  Spike sure isn't what I always thought he was ~ he answered in his mind.  He sighed as he quickened his pace to catch up with the quickly retreating vampire.

~Part: 4~

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah .!"

Spike contemplated the thought that he was dreaming. He actually pinched himself several times to check if he was but that only resulted in hurting him. Maybe it was something in his eyes. He wiped his eyes with his fingers before blinking at the sight in front of him again.

~ Nope, that wasn't it. I can still see it! ~

There she was . . . The Slayer. A blond young woman who saved the world through killing numbers of demons time and time again; that number reaching far beyond Spike's own age. The Slayer, the chosen one, the one who killed the Master, who sent Angelus to hell and the one who sacrificed her own life for the world, is *running* away from a Ster'mad demon. The same kind of demon she single handedly killed a few weeks back. And now she's running away from a three year old one!

~ It's bloody disgraceful is what it is! ~

"Spike, why aren't you helping?" Xander yelped frightened. ~ Oh, God, this is a very huge demon! ~

Spike, still looking stunned, walked very slowly towards the young demon. Xander watched Spike walking at a snail's pace with wide pleading eyes. "Spike, hurry!" he whimpered.

By the time the blonde vampire reached him, the seven foot tall gray scaled demon had Xander trapped against a crypt wall. Spike raised his stake wielded hand and jammed it in its left shoulder where its heart resided.

~ And she knows that too! ~

Xander stood catching his breath. "Well, that was easy." he said in disbelief.

Spike gave him a blank look. "What was that?! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What?" Xander said winded from running. "What's wrong with me? Nothing is wrong with me. Why would you think there's something wrong with me?" he babbled nervously.

"Few weeks back, you killed a demon just like this one without taking a breath. And it was larger than this one too! Bloody hell, this one's barely three."

~ Oh, what to do? What distracts Buffy when she's patrolling? ~ Xander thought nervously. "Shoes!" he exclaimed.

"Shoes?" Spike asked confused.

Xander nodded fast. "Yeah, I'm wearing new shoes and can't mess them up that's why I couldn't fight. Look at all the stinky blood that came out of it and these are barely affordable if yet stylish boots, buddy, no way am I letting . . . eww, blue blood go all gooey on them!" Xander glared at Spike while in his head he was accepting the Oscar for the best Buffy performance. "I'm the slayer, a good fighter. I'm not . weak!" he said nervously.

Spike just stared at him for a moment before hugging him. Xander's gasped in surprise

~ Wha? ~

Spike hugged him tightly. "Its okay, luv'. I know you're still a bit fragile after your little trip to crazy-vale."

Xander thought that for a second remembering when Buffy was attacked by that demon and lived in an alternate world where she was a normal girl yet albeit a crazy one. He realized that Spike must still think he was affected by that experience. And he came to the conclusion that he had to play along. "I don't want to be like this, Spike. I wanna be strong Buffy again." he whispered softly.

~ God, I'm a great actor! ~

"It will take time, luv. Don't worry." Spike pushed back him a little to look him in the eye. "If you need anything, just ask. I'm here to help." he said sincerely.

Xander looked at him for a second. "Actually I think I can use some help."

"What is it?" Spike asked.

"Do you remember Warren?"

Spike nodded.

"He and his nerd squad are really bugging us these days. Can you find out where they are?"

Spike was about to tell him that he knew where they were hiding but thought it over. Warren was not a total idiot. Spike was sure they changed their hiding place. He had to check out their place himself. Buffy looked tired and needed to rest. When he was sure where the geeks were hiding, he could tell her.

"I'll look for them. You go home and rest." Spike turned to leave, but stopped when he heard Xander calling him.

A 'No goodbye kiss?' was on the tip of Xander's tongue, but he bit his lip, hard. ~ Don't say that stupid! Oh Spike is looking at me, gotta say something. ~ "Be careful." Xander chose to say.

The look on Spike's face made Xander's heart tighten. Spike nodded then left. Xander stood there for few minutes before hearing .

"Xander!"

Grimacing, he turned to see Buffy running towards him. "Buffy, don't shout my name like that! What if I was here talking with someone?" he hissed.

Buffy stood to catch her breath, "But you just said my name!" she complained breathlessly.

"I was hissing your name. There's a difference." he nodded affirmatively.

She waved him off. "Relax; it's not like you *were* talking with somebody."

"What if I was talking to Spike?"

Suddenly, her casual look turned into alarm. "Spike? Why would you be talking to Spike?" she asked accusingly.

Xander felt guilty for upsetting her like that, he knew she was going through stuff that led her to take comfort in sleeping with Spike. Hey, who could blame her? Spike is totally hot and he can kiss like no body's business; it wouldn't surprise Xander if he was 'gifted' in other areas as well.

~ Oops! Enough thinking for the Xan-man, Buffy is waiting for an answer! ~

He answered her, "He was here and I thought maybe he had some info as to where Warren and his buds are."

"Oh so . um- you asked him?" She hesitated in asking.

Xander thought about it for a moment. "Yes, and he said he'll look around."

"Um, Xand? Did Spike try to do anything . um- say anything .?"

Xander pretended to look innocent. "You mean did he ask about paying him money? No, he didn't. Well he stopped asking that since last year if not longer."

"Uh huh . So, uh-did he.? How did you meet?"

"Why are you asking all these questions Buffy?" he asked with fake misgiving.

She noticed how nervous she sounded so she put her slayer face immediately on and said in her best firm voice, "Coz' if he tried anything, I will stake his dead-butt so hard Drusilla would feel it!" Well that would've sounded less odd if it wasn't said in Willow's voice.

Xander pretended to look touched. "Oh, thank you Buffy!" ~ You little two-face, you! ~ "But I think I can protect myself from Spike, not because I have the almighty slayer powers now, but if he even thought about hurting me the chip will go *zap*. And he has no one to blame except for his stupid sorry-ass." He beamed at her. ~ Oh, I'm so evil. Sorry Buff but I'm having fun. When you leave your bride at the altar you have to have fun for comfort, right? ~ He frowned at that thought.

Buffy worried her lower lip. ~ Oh, Xander doesn't know about Spike being able to hurt me. ~ She prayed they'd return to their bodies soon before something bad happened. "You're right. He's as harmless as a kitten like he always had been."

Xander was getting a little pissed. ~ Why won't she tell me about Spike being able to hurt me/her? I mean is it so much to ask? What if he tried to hurt me and took me by surprise? What would I have done then? ~ Maybe because Spike is in love with her, she thought he won't hurt him, but still. He was extremely glad she hadn't arrived when he and Spike were kissing. ~ Why *is* she here in the first place anyway? ~

"Buff? Weren't you with Will studying at my place?" He asked.

"Oh, Willow was tired so she went to bed. We're continuing the study session in the Magic Box tomorrow." She pouted at that. "So I said to myself, self why don't you go and help Xan slay some beasties." She said cheerily.

Xander, who seemed to catch the significant of what she said, stuttered. "Huh, tomorrow? Why?"

"Wills thought it wasn't fair to leave you all on your lonesome in the shop, so we decided to come with." she gave him a big smile.

Xander forced a smile to his lips. "That's my Will, always thinking of others." He turned his face to hide the pout. ~ There's gonna be no Spike smoochies tomorrow?! ~ He thought frantically. Spike said he'd keep him company in the shop at night, and the last time went SO well.  ~ Why did you do this to me, Wills? ~

******

He got to the doors leading out into the main lodge area. The doors were closed. He paused for a moment, composing himself, taking a deep breath. ~ You're gonna be fine. C'mon you can do it. ~ Then he reached for the doorknob.

He opened the door to the lobby and peeked out. He moved into the room, closing the door behind him. One of his pals from the construction site came up to him and shook his hand. He smiled and nodded. Other people noticed him; they turned to smile at him, patted his back, shook his hand, and say "congratulations" and so on. He didn't wasn't sure if he knew them all. He moved through the crowd.

Aunt Lily started to pinch his cheeks. His mom came up to him. ~ Is she gonna pinch me too? I knew she was gonna try to act like mother of the year just because we're in front of people! ~ he thought grimacing. His mother looked at him, annoyed. "Alexander. Do you realize that the usher sat us in the third row?"

~ Maybe not! Came to complain, Like usual! ~ He thought in sarcastically. "Mom, I'm sure it was a mistake." He said in a tired tone, wishing that Aunt Lily would quit with the pinching already.

His mother didn't look convinced. "Well, I-I don't think it was really-"

An old man came over, as did Uncle Rory. The old man was tugging his arm demanding to talk to him. His mother and Uncle Rory were also speaking to him. He was surrounded and he was a bit overwhelmed. Dawn came hurrying over. She was complaining too. He didn't know which one to talk to. His head began to hurt. He was already tense and he didn't need all of this.

The old man was getting panicky. "Please, please, you have to listen." He pulled him away from the others. "You have to listen to me!"

He looked at the strange old man who he didn't see before. As he was talking Xander tried to concentrate on what he was saying, "You can't get married today. It's a huge mistake."

~ What the hell is he talking about? ~ he snorted. "Yeah right, thanks for the advice, Uncle ... help me here?"

The old man looked at him in astonishment. "Uncle? You don't recognize me, do you?"

He felt a little guilty at the old man's reply. "I'm sorry, I don't-"

The old man cut him off. "It sounds crazy, I know. But you have to believe me." He looked at the strange man puzzled. "I'm Xander Harris. I'm you."

FLASH

The rain was running down his face and soaking into his tux. He wasn't aware that he was walking in the middle of the street. His mind was still on the horrible visions he saw mere minutes ago. He was trapped inside that man feeling all the hatred the man held for his wife and children. One of the children wasn't his either, his wife cheated on him with another man ~ or demon ~ because she was miserable. *He* made her miserable.

They were fighting all the time, because they hated each other. Their children hated him. She hated him. He hated her. It's like his past life with his own parents, that he despised so much, -but this time with different people- returning again. He was going to turn into his old man. He was going to hurt the woman he loved in the future. He would abuse her and she couldn't do anything about it. She couldn't ask for a divorce because simply 'what's the point?' What's left for her in her old age? So much of her life had gone to make up for it and she couldn't even go back to amend her choice.

~ "I want my life back! If I hadn't married you I wouldn't have had to hate myself for the last *thirty* years!" ~ Her words were echoing in his mind, torturing him. He couldn't do that to Anya. He couldn't let her live in that misery with him her whole life. She deserves much better than this, much better than him.

He raised his head to the sky and let the rain wash the tears that stormed down his face. He always thought he would be better than his father was to him and his mother. He tried to convince his mother about that but she was right. All the men in his family turn into miserable drunks who tell dull jokes while they were jokes themselves. He couldn't let Anya live with him knowing how he would turn out to be. Who was he destined to be. He had to .

Now the tears were running down his face like a river mixing with the rain. ~ "You will hurt her less today than you will later." ~ His old self was right. Why wouldn't he? He was the one who lived that misery.

FLASH

He was standing with Anya by the doors of the church. Anya was in her wedding dress looking gorgeous. They were holding hands. She looked at him smiling. "You know its bad luck to see me in my dress."

He didn't respond, just looked at her, still looking on in shock. She said in the most soothing voice ever. "Hey. It's okay. It's all over now, he's dead, and it was just smoke and mirrors."

"I know." he whispered.

She smiled, and looked slightly excited. "So ... we're ready now. Let's get married." She tried to turn away but he was still holding her hands, stopping her.

"I..." He started anxiously. She turned back looking puzzled at him. "I'm not. I'm not ready. I can't, Ahn, I'm sorry."

She looked fretful. "But it wa - it wasn't real. What he showed you, it wasn't real!"

"I know it wasn't real. But it could be."

Beat, she stared at him, getting teary. "What was it? Was it about me? 'Coz he wanted you to hate me, Xander."

"It wasn't you." He sighed. "It wasn't you I was hating. I had these thoughts, and ... fears before this." He looked at the floor. "Maybe we just went too fast."

Anya looked desperate. "Look, everybody has thoughts. It's natural; it doesn't mean that, that getting married is wrong."

"I know, I know..."

Anya's voice rose slightly desperate. "Look, you're just shaken up, okay? You just calm down and we'll start over, okay?"

He looked over at the main room. There were his parents yelling at each other. His father was standing and yelling at his mother who was sitting in a chair.

He watched closely as his dad yelled angrily, while his mom argued back at him. He saw his father trying to hit her and she grabbed his hand. He watched the scene that he  had seen his whole life growing up. At the table when they ate breakfast, supper, lunch, it never mattered. It was the same scene everyday for eighteen years, which always caused him to leave and eat in his room.  When he would come back home from school, he would run towards his room not wanting to see more. But even in his room he could still hear the noises that troubled him in his sleep or when he actually wanted to study, which was what made his grades fall in school.

What if that was what he and Anya were going to be? He couldn't live like that again. He couldn't make Anya go through what he went through, or his kids. He opened his mouth and he's voice sounded tearful. "We can't start over. If this is a mistake, it's forever, and ... I don't want to hurt you." He looked at her. "Not that way."

Their hands separated and fell to their sides. Anya looked at him desperately and tried to encourage him but he cut her off. "I'm sorry." Anya started to cry. "I am so sorry." he said his voice quivering.

Anya sniffled, wiping her eyes with her hand. She continued crying and slowly, in a daze, she turned and walked away.

He watched her go. His heart was breaking but somehow, painfully, this was right. Then he turned and walked outside, where it had stopped raining and the sun was shining. The sunshine was so bright it blinded him. Suddenly every thing went white, too white.

******

Willow woke up shocked. She sat up quickly in the bed, breathing hard. The room was lightly illuminated by a streetlamp right outside the bedroom window. She then looked at the mirror in front of her. Xander's reflection looked back at her, scared and confused. "I didn't know. I'm sorry." She whispered to the mirror as if that was Xander in front of her. "I'm so sorry."

She sniffled as she looked at the clock; it was 4:00am. Nevertheless she couldn't go back to sleep after that dream that... no not dream, not nightmare, that was Xander's life that flashed before her eyes. Willow pulled her knees close to her chest and laid her head on her folded arms. As soon as she did that she raised her head and covered her nose.

~ GUH! I stink! ~

Heavens, it seems like she sweated more than usual because of the intense visions she had all night. And now she smells. She never smells!

She sighed ~ I guess I have to shower. really shower this time not stand under the spray with my eyes closed like the last time. Oh that reminds me I have to tell Xander to put out a bathmat coz *ouch* ~

******

Willow stood in front of the bathroom mirror. She looked, or actually Xander looked, worse to wear. She had to wonder if Xander goes through the same dreams she had sometimes. She shuddered to think about it. If she was this distraught about them and they were about someone else, albeit being her best friend, and she only saw them that one ~ hopefully last ~ time, how would Xander feel if he had to relive them more than once over and over. No, she couldn't let that happen to him. If she remembered her psyche class right, a person usually needs to talk about his or her problems with someone to set their mind to rest. She looked back at the now very resolute Xander face reflecting back at her. She would talk with Xander today, set a few things straight.

Willow nodded her head. Since she was so determined, right now would be the best time to get the shower over with before she has to face another personal encounter with the tile floor; because she had her eyes closed!

~ Ok Willow. we are all grownups here. you and Xan have been friends since kindergarten school and if you can pull his pants down when you were in first grade coz he wanted to play with some *other* girl and had an eye full of his. penis, I said it! You sure can pull them down today coz you need a bit of scrubbing in very personal regions.. Ya! I saw it once before how different would this be? ~

Willow took a deep breath and took off the pajama bottoms and the boxers. Her eyes widened and she snapped them up when she uncovered what was hidden underneath.

~ O-kay. I guess a big difference! ~

She began to giggle hysterically. The events of the night and early morning finally catching up with her. She stopped giggling when she got a familiar feeling down town.

"Oh Goddess, not this. Anything but this!" She had to pee. An eerie experience she was not glad to go through *every day*. Even bathing seemed more appealing now. She was so nervous. And if she was not mistaken, men like women don't handle this situation well under pressure. ~ I wish *I* was in Buffy's body! Why do I get stuck in the guy body. That's SO unfair!! ~

Whimpering, she stood straight trying as best as she could to be calm as she relieved herself. After a couple minutes past and nothing happened, she began to get irritated. "C'mon already! . Eeep!!!" Willow made the mistake of {uhem} shaking too hard, causing the unwilling limb to react in a way Willow never wanted to feel again. Not after the embarrassing situation the first time at her very first day at the construction site. Fortunately for Willow she still remembered the trick she used the last time to will Xan-junior down, and it worked! And with a prayer to whatever god out there that was watching over girls-trapped-in-boys-bodies-trying-to-pee, she soon did the deed as well.

She washed her hands then looked at the shower and sniveled ~ next time Buffy gets stuck in the guy body! ~

******

Willow stood in front of the front door with a firm thought in her mind. The only way for her mind to set at rest is to repay the bastard who called himself a father for the life he put his child through. She could absently feel the beatings the older Harris put upon his son because of trivial matters or for no reason at all. How he always put down his son and made him feel worthless throughout his childhood years, which was worse than any beating he had. She now understood why Xander liked to spend a lot of time at her and Jesse's houses. Trying to avoid his so called parents but in the end of the day he always went back to witness another shouting match that usually turned to him when he stepped through the door while his mother topped off her drink and pretend nothing was happening.

Well it ends here! Willow would tell Tony Harris that Xander will NOT be paying him back for the wedding. That money was a small compensation for all the pain his son went through. She pulled herself and made Xander's body stand tall. Tony Harris will never look down at Xander again. She knocked the door.

Heavy footsteps could be heard from inside. The door swung open and cursing reached her ears followed by the stinky smell of alcohol.

"Oh it's you!" the old man grumbled.

Willow's blood began to boil. "Ya it's me." She answered curtly.

Xander's father didn't notice the tone of the voice. "Did you bring my money?"

"No." she replied crossing her arms. "And you are never getting anything from me, ever!"

"Why you . . . you little fuck!" Tony raised his hand to strike but Willow intercepted it and pushed him roughly inside causing to fall. She closed the door behind her just as the drunk man managed to stand steadily on his feet.

Willow noticed Xander's mother sitting on the old couch watching the television with a glass in her hand that she sipped on when her husband blocked her vision of the T.V.

Tony looked at his son with obvious hatred in his eyes. He was about to speak when Willow intercepted, "Don't talk! Coz' I know whatever you're going to say I don't want to hear." Willow advanced him menacingly, adrenaline pumped through her veins when she saw the older man flinch back. "Now the reason I'm here is to tell you to get a job coz you are not going to keep milking off me. Now if you were a good father I wouldn't mind but hey we both know that isn't true so why waste our time going there. I'm not going to give you a detailed description of what you did to me ever since I was a kid, coz *surprise* you where there!" Willow turned to glare at Xander's mother, but she was obviously more interested in what she was watching than what was happening in her own living room, and was actually looking around the two standing men to see the T.V.

Willow frowned and glanced at the T.V. to see what was so entrancing. She recognized it immediately from the amount of time Spike and surprisingly Giles watched it.

~ I wonder what is so great about Passions? ~

She shook her head and turned back and addressed the woman. "Mom!" Jessica Harris looked up at her annoyed. "Okay . . . I don't know what to say to you *mom* but you never stopped *him*, ever, you were only glad that he had me as a distraction from you. Well the only thing I can say now is, enjoy, you're going to get his complete attention. And don't look at me like I'm betraying you, I tried to get you out of here, a lot, but every time you said no, so, you stay I'm going."

She brought her gaze to the other parent who was trying to slink away, she easily caught him and held him by the collar. "And *you* will stay away from me and my friends and . . ." she punched him hard on the jaw which caused the man to fall down with a thump. "I always wanted to do that." With that she exited and slammed the door behind her.

Jessica looked at her husband lying on the floor, rubbing his jaw and said, "You know you deserved that," and turned back to her T.V. show.

******

Buffy yawned as she came down from upstairs. She smiled when she heard the jingling of keys and the front door opened knowing that it was Willow. Her smile faded when she caught the sad look on Willow's Xander-face. "What's wrong?" She asked worried.

"Buffy, where's Xander?" Willow asked, ignoring Buffy's question.

Buffy glanced upstairs in alarm. "Shh, Dawn may hear!" She hissed.

Willow shook her head. "I don't care. I wanna talk to Xander."

"Hi Xander." Xander greeted Willow cheerfully as he exited the kitchen. Willow hurried towards him. "I want to talk to you!" She said in a firm tone.

Xander looked concerned. "What's up?"

"Let's go to the kitchen." Willow led him into the kitchen leaving Buffy standing in the hall confused. The redhead former slayer sauntered towards the kitchen door and stood there listening/eavesdropping.

Willow pulled out a chair and turned it around and sat down still feeling a little manly adrenaline rushing through her. Xander sat next to her feeling worried. What got Willow all grim faced? Is it something about Anya? Xander felt the joy in his pained heart at the thought of Anya returning back. But Buffy said that Anya made it clear she was *never* coming back. And Willow wouldn't look all grim faced if it was about her. It's something else then. Xander's heart started pounding at a more scary thought. What if Willow knew about him and Spike? Oh yes, that's it!

Willow looked at the nervous blonde all firm. "Why did you lie to me?" She asked calmly in a very deep voice. ~ Awww! I love it when men's voices get this deep! ~ She mentally squealed, then frowned. ~ Get excited later, Willow. Be angry now! ~ She gave him her best Xander-resolve-face.

"Uh ." Xander stuttered. ~ Oh God, she knows, she knows! I mean why else would she wear that look ~ He looked down at his hands on his lap. "Willow, I didn't mean to ."

Willow's big heart didn't allow her to see her friend like that. She put a hand on his shoulder soothingly. "It's okay Xander; I know it must have been hard on you."

He looked at her and was about to jerk back, when he saw his own face looking at him with compassion. ~ God! Am I ever gonna get used to that?! ~

Willow noticed his panic and asked. "What's wrong?"

"Uh . nothing, It just ." He looked at her nervously.

She understood. "Oh um . it's okay. I get this a lot looking at myself in the mirror." she said smiling.

Xander scoffed. "The mirror is nothing compared to the bathroom. I mean, how did you get to do the pee thing?"

Willow blushed remembering her pee fiasco. "Um Xan, I don't think I can talk about my peeing experience in *your* body with *you* right now. Come back to me in thirty years or so and we'll see."

Xander blushed. "Oh, yeah I see what you mean." He looked away.

She took a deep breath, running a hand through her too short brown hair. "Oookay, back to your parents' subject."

Xander frowned. "My parents?" he asked looking at her confused. ~ When was this about my parents? ~

She nodded. "Yes, we were talking about how hard it must have been for you to not tell me about it."

~ Oh, she was talking about my parents. Oh, she wasn't talking about Spike, she doesn't *know* about Spike. Oh . *don't* say 'oh', she's smart she'll know you weren't talking about your parents if you say 'oh'. ~ "So . you had a dream about my parents?" he asked knowing that it was the only way she could know anything about him and his parents.

"I had a dream about you leaving Anya." she answered.

"Oh." he said returning his gaze to his hands.

Willow looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry Xander I didn't know how confused your feelings were that day. I'm so sorry."

Buffy's eyes widened as she heard the things Willow said about those visions Xander had. She got so angry when she heard about the stuff Xander's parents did. Then, she was all scared when Willow started crying. It wasn't the fact of Willow crying that scared her because she wanted to cry too. It was the fact of Willow crying in *Xander's* voice that startled her.

Dawn heard the crying when she left her room. Her eyes widened when she recognized the voice. ~ Xander's crying? ~ She thought in horror. ~ But Xander never cries! ~ She headed down stairs quickly to see the red head listening to some conversation in the kitchen. "Willow!" She called.

Buffy jerked then turned at her. "Hey Dawn." She said nervously.

"What's wrong with Xander? Why is he crying?" Dawn sounded very concerned.

"It's okay, *Buffy* is talking to him right now."

Dawn scoffed. "She better not say something stupid to hurt him."

Buffy's eyes narrowed. "Why do you say that? Buffy would never hurt Xander. She's his friend."

"Yeah right!" Dawn snorted.

Buffy got angry. "What's that supposed to mean?" What is her baby sister saying? She's a good friend. She would never hurt her friends' feelings.

"Oh c'mon Will, you know sometimes Buffy is SO self-absorbed."

Buffy looked hurt. "She . she isn't."

Dawn was impressed. "You're so loyal to Buffy, aren't you?"

Buffy pouted. "Of course I am. I'm the all loyal best friend."

Dawn raised an eyebrow. ~ Did Willow just do the Buffy-pouty lips? Creepy! ~

In the kitchen, Xander was having a major freak out when he saw himself crying. ~ Now I know why Anya freaked when I cried over Joyce's death. ~ "Oh Will, its okay." He patted her back.

Willow sniffled. "No, it's not. I should have known a long time ago." she continued weeping and all Xander was thinking is ~ God, I look so ridiculous. ~

"Seriously Will, the crying isn't the look for me." he said desperately hoping she'd stop soon.

Willow looked at him angry through her tears. "Stop joking. God, everything is like a joke to you?" She paused a minute and that was when the realization hit her. "Of course. You hide behind your jokes. You're hurting and then say a joke so no one will notice. Oh Xander! Is that what you're doing now?" She hugged the stunned blonde. "Oh, it's okay honey you don't have to hide from me, it gonna be ok."

Xander tried to breath in Willow's tight hug. "I'm not hiding behind anything Will. I *really* look stupid crying and I want you to stop."

"I know, honey. I know." Willow said humoring him while smoothing her hand over his back. He groaned and gave up letting her embrace him. After few seconds he felt quite good, he remembered Spike holding him yesterday and how good it felt. ~ This hugging is really nice! ~ He thought. ~ Is this how Buffy and Wills feel when I hug them? Oh I'll remember to do it all the time when I get back to my manly self. ~

Willow ended the hug and looked sadly at Xander. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed someone."

"Hey," Xander began, as patted her on her muscular arm. ~ I have muscles! Yay! ~ "It's not your fault. You didn't know. I never told you anything." He was hearing Spike's words in his head again.

"But I used to notice you when you're upset and then I'd try to make you feel better. Now I never ." She trailed off unhappily.

"Hey, like I noticed you when you were going through the rough time with magic, or Tara! I was so busy with planning my wedding to notice that my best friend was drowning and look how good that turned out!" he spoke satirically.

She looked at him sorrowfully. "I wish you told me about those visions you had. Oh God, how horrifying they were, and all the pain I felt. That was ." She suddenly blushed. "Oh, sorry I mean the pain *you* felt."

Xander gave a tiny smile recalling how he mistook himself with Buffy yesterday.

"You know . . . "

They turned their heads towards the redhead standing by the door. "I think we all were lousy friends this year." She gave them a big smile. "Now that we know, we'll work hard on not doing that, right?"

They nodded enthusiastically agreeing with her.

******

At the Magic Box, Xander was behind the counter while Willow was researching through both magic and science books for a way to return themselves to their rightful bodies. Buffy 'accidentally' forgot her/Willow's study books back in the house so Willow very bluntly told her to go get them.

The doorbell jingled and simultaneously Xander and Willow looked up at the door. Tara entered the shop wearing a smile on her lips. Willow stood hasty and her heartbeats quickened, "Oh, hey Tara." She greeted happily.

Tara beamed at her, "Hey Xander."

~ Oh right. I'm *Xander*. ~ Willow thought gruffly and stiffly sat down.

Tara turned to Xander, "Hi Buffy." She looked around the consumer empty shop.  "Where's Willow?" she asked.

"She's getting her books. She'll be back in a minute." Xander said smiling.

"Ok, I'll wait for her then." Tara said heading to the table where Willow was setting. Willow smiled at Tara which caused the blond witch to frown at the unusual behavior Xander was expressing towards her. She sat down uncomfortably beside him since he showed real enthusiasm in choosing her a place to sit.

Xander smiled warmly while he dusted the cash register. ~ Willow and Tara are so cute acting all unsure and shy. ~ He frowned Willow was being shy in his body; he hoped that Willow would remember that and not do anything he wouldn't do. ~ Oh I guess that wouldn't include smoochies with a certain blond British vampire would it? ~ His frown deepened ~ No, that's an exception; he's my blond British vampire! ~ He whimpered and covered his mouth and quickly glanced at the research table, thankfully no one heard. ~ Oh God! I'm experiencing a case of possessiveness, I wonder if this comes with the slayer whole package. ~ He doubted that ~ I'm SO screwed! ~

Meanwhile Willow was trying hard to concentrate on finding them a solution but she kept secretly glancing at Tara. Willow bet her lip as she noticed Tara playing with a string of her hair they way she does when she's nervous. ~ Aaah, she's all jumpy to see me. ~ Willow sighed and accidentally caught a whiff of Tara's perfume ~ Goddess she's wearing my favorite, last time she wore it we . . . ~  Willow mentally groaned as her reminiscence awakened a part of her body ~ Jeez men are SO insatiable! ~ She was immensely grateful for the table and the large book that helped her cover her groin ~ Not for long if I have anything to say about that! ~

"So Tara," Willow said in a gruff tone that startled Tara.

"Y-yes?" Tara asked hesitantly. She was really worried for Xander he was acting very strange today ~ he seems worried about something. He's biting his pencil the same way Willow does when she's worried ~

"Um why do you want to see Willow? If I'm not nosing in or anything."

"O-oh no it's just that I've seen Willow between classes, a-and she seemed to be doing really well . . . and well I sort of missed her . . . and . . ."

"Oh!! Yes Will has been no magic girl for a while now!" Willow said hastily. "She talks all the time about you and really wants to make everything better again, really!"

Tara smiled at Xander's fumbling words. It was obvious that he really cared about his friend and it warmed her heart to see him wanting her and Willow to be back together.

"Oh that's really great that w-was what I wanted to talk with her too. I miss her and . . ."

"She misses you too!" Willow cut it happily barely stopping from throwing herself at the girl in front of her and telling her who she is and how much she loved her. ~ And I can't tell her now, why again? ~ Willow wrinkled her brow trying to remember.

Xander couldn't stop the snickering while watching how clumsy Willow was acting. ~ which according to what everyone says is quite fitting on my body ~ He really wished Willow and Tara would get back together. Tara was so good to his Wills and both of them were always so cute in their shy glances and soft kisses.

The thought of kissing reminded Xander of Spike, again. He sighed dreamily thinking of Spike's lips and kisses, of strong arms holding him, of the hard chest that was equally soft that he could lean on for hours.  

Tara noticed the dreamy look that shone in Buffy eyes. She glanced back at Xander taking account that he was still intensely engrossed on what ever he was thinking about, she stood up and headed toward the counter which Buffy was lightly touching with her finger tips. Tara could unmistakably guess who she was daydreaming about.

"Buffy."

Xander was torn from Spike's soft lips at the sound of Tara's voice. "Uh-oh Tara! Something the matter?"

"That was what I was about to ask you. How's things with Spike, has he stopped wanting . . . you know?"

"What?" Xander asked barely keeping himself from shouting.

"The thing you had with Spike Buffy, remember you asked my advice on that and on how he could hit you?"

Xander was experiencing a lot of feelings in the same moments but the most prominent ones were rage and betrayal on how Buffy could tell Tara and not them, her best friends.

"Oh yeah coz I thought the reason he could hit me was because I was brought back wrong." Xander still remembered the words Spike shouted at him that first night and he quickly dismissed them.

"Yes, but like I t-told you, you're not a demon just a little different, that let the c-chip think of you as non human, remember?" Xander nodded, feeling relief washing over the fear he felt a moment ago. "But how are things now, Spike isn't being a bother is he? Isn't accepting that you told him . . . um, you're not s-seeing him, anymore?"

"Um no, he's fine. You know the way Spike is." Xander chuckled impatiently. The phone ringing saved Xander from the question that was about to come out of Tara's lips.

"Hello, you have reached the Magic Box, we provide you with your magically needs!" Tara frowned at him before going back to set next to Willow.

"Buffy, new slogan?"

"Cordelia?" Xander looked down at the phone making sure it didn't have a 'make your day even weirder' spell on it. Well if it did who is Xander to know. "What wrong?"

"Oh puh-leaze! It's not that because I call hellmouth central means that there's something bad going on."

"Well are you calling with good news?"

Cordelia was quiet for a few seconds then replied with a huff, "No, it's not of the good." She then proceeded on telling Xander or Buffy for her, on what happened. As Buffy must know from Willow is that Angel has a son now. When Xander replied that no, Willow hadn't said anything about that but for Willow's defense things weren't all puppy dogs and roses here either, Cordelia explained about everything from the beginning. About Darla getting pregnant, Connor's birth, Angel's old adversary and Wolfram and Hart and how the little child was thrown in a hell dimension with said adversary and was more than likely dead.

"So how can I help?" Xander asked. He didn't like Angel but losing your son deserved some compassion.

"Well Angel needs to get away from the whole L.A. scene and taking the temptation from cracking the skulls of every lawyer in the city not to forget Wesley's of course. So we're coming to good ol' boring Sunnydale for a vacation." she said with not a cheerful tone in her voice.

"And that was your idea?" Xander asked skeptically.

Cordelia huffed. "As if, that was all brood boy's idea. I think he expects seeing *you* to make his day or what ever, so I'm giving you the heads up."

Xander started pondering what Angel would consider cheering up and the imagery was not pretty ~ Well that settles it I'm only hot for one vampire, it's nothing to do with being in the slayer's body ~ surprisingly that didn't bother Xander at all.

"So," Cordy's voice sneaked into his head, "How did Xan's wedding go? I didn't get the invitation until after I came back from my vacation with Groo. You remember I told you about him."

Xander sighed and retold the whole non-wedding event and strangely got a sportive ear from Cordelia. It seemed it took one vision seer to understand another.

"Guess what guys. L.A. is coming to town." he announced after he replaced the receiver.

Willow started from her supposed reading, "Huh, why?"

Before Xander could answer Tara looked at her watch and gasped. "Oh Goddess, I have to go!" She picked her bag and hurriedly stood up. "I have a dentist appointment in fifteen minutes, bye Xander bye Buffy!" Willow opened her mouth wanting to say anything to keep Tara from leaving. But the only thoughts that came to her were, how she can slowly torture Buffy for taking so long to get her books back.

Tara was about to exit when Buffy came strolling in, "Sorry I took so long but I couldn't find them and . . . Tara!" Buffy stopped in her tracks near the door and glanced at Willow who was now standing beside Xander in front of the counter giving her 'if you ruin this I'll hit you over the head with a shovel' look. Buffy gulped knowing that Willow's threats meant business Willow would've beat Riley over with the head with a shovel if hadn't skipped town like he did the first time. She took a deep breath.

"Tara, what . . . what brings you here? That doesn't mean I don't want you here . . . it's just that I was wondering and I-I'm shutting up now!"

Tara giggled, "I came here to see you. I wanted to talk about u-us." She said from under her lashes.

"US! Well I want us, let us be us . . . God!" Buffy covered her face with her hands. "I'm ruining this."

Tara smiled, "No your not, sweetie. Listen I've gotta go, but can we talk tomorrow?"

Buffy removed her hands and smiled widely, "Sure!"

"Okay bye." Tara leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. Buffy who was shocked by this remembered her oath to do what ever she can to bring the two witches back together even if it meant kissing Tara, so she deepened the kiss.

Xander and Willow gasped. Xander was thinking on the lines of ~ oh great girl on girl action huh does this mean I'm bi? ~

Willow on the other hand was torn between feeling jealous that Buffy was kissing her soon to be again girlfriend or getting turned on, lucky, or unlucky, for her depending on the way you look at it was the later. Willow quickly stood behind the counter. Xander noticed and raised an eyebrow ~ cool I raised my eyebrow! ~ Then turned his eyes back to the action.

The deep kiss ended when the two girls had to breathe. They both blushed when the noticed their audience, and stepped away from each other, Buffy reminded Tara to come back tomorrow so they can talk. Tara nodded and left.

When the door closed behind her, Tara touched her lips and frowned. ~ That wasn't Willow. ~ She will come back tomorrow but she intended to come back with a little spell as well. With that thought firmly in place she ran to catch her appointment.

******

Spike walked towards the Magic Box filled with satisfaction. He found Warren and the others in the park. Yesterday after his talk with Xander, or in his case Buffy, he immediately started looking for the geeks.

They were still hiding in Warren's place. They didn't run off to another house. ~ Stupid little gits, they should know they were dealing with a Master Vampire. ~

A smirk played on his lips as he spotted the Magic Box in front of him. It's time to tell Buffy and her chums. She was going to be so thankful.

Three heads snapped up the second Spike entered the shop. Buffy's heartbeats quickened. "Why are you here, Spike?" her voice rose with panic.

"I found Warren and his gits." Spike said calmly.

"Who asked you to look for them in the first place?" she said, hands on hips, and her foot tapping impatiently.

"The slayer asked me." Spike said annoyed.

Buffy's eyebrow rose. "Oh, I think not." ~ I didn't ask him for anything, did I? ~ She thought.

Xander rolled his eyes. "Yes, I did. I also told *you* that, don't you remember, *Willow*?" he said stressing on the name.

"Oh," was all Buffy said. ~ Oh, I forgot that Xander is the slayer now. ~ She giggled at the thought. ~ Oh. God *Xander* is the slayer! Xander is a female slayer! ~ She lost herself in the giggling.

Spike looked at the chuckling redhead fearfully. ~ She crazy or what? ~

His wonder was cut by the dark-haired voice. "You really found them? Oh, we should go there right now! Where are they? We can't just sit here when Spike just found them. We'd better go right now!" Willow babbled with enthusiasm. ~ I'm going back to my body! I'm going to take a shower and stop worrying about this stupid *penis*! ~ Willow thought eagerly.

Spike nodded towards the door. "Follow me!"

******

They reached the park. It seemed like Andrew and Jonathon were planning a ritual of some kind with Warren standing guard. Buffy jumped to stop the ritual and Xander attacked Warren.

Willow was holding tightly onto Spike's arm and pointing at the three boys. "Do something, Spike! Help them. Help them."

Spike looked up at the frightened young man. ~ I knew the boy was a coward but this is ridiculous! ~ He snatched his arm from the boy's death grip. "C'mon man, you're a bloke. Have some bloody dignity already."

Suddenly, Willow was aware of her behavior and straightened up her back. "Oh, yeah, I'll kick their asses and you keep watching for the demons." She walked over to the fight, trying to look tough.

Spike stared at her bemused. ~ Well, that was wicked. He practically said that I couldn't fight some bloody kids after I helped him pull his guts! ~ He looked at the young man walking all confident heading towards the fight and knew he was going to face Warren who was the better fighter of the geeks.

Spike sniffled ~ I could wipe the ground with those losers in mere seconds if it wasn't for this bloody chip in my noggin! ~

Willow pulled herself high and stared down at the nerd she confronted. "Hello Jonathan!" she said all brave and secure.

Poor short Jonathan looked up at the muscular dark-haired young man and shuddered. "Uh hi Xander, y-you look a bit taller and bigger from the last time I saw you." he stuttered fearfully.

Willow gave him a huge grin, "Scary, huh?" That was when she threw herself at him. Jonathan gave a terrified squeal and ran for his life which caused Willow to hit the ground. Tears gathered in Willow's brown eyes as she touched her wounded nose.

"Ow!" She moaned pitifully before looking fumed at the frightened Jonathan. "I'll show you Jonathan!" She roared standing up and running after the screaming short boy.

Spike stared his mouth hanging open at the scene ~ where's the whelp that faced me when I went after Red for the love spell? ~ Speaking of Red, the vampire admired her skilled moves in beating the shit out of the blond boy.

~Where'd she learn to flip like that? ~

He looked at the slayer, who was handling Warren just fine. But strangely wasn't in her usual slayer mood. He noticed that lately, especially after that incident when she tried to kill her friends. It was like she had just learned how to fight; maybe she lost her fighter spirits. He knew he would if he was brought back from heaven. He snorted at that.

His eyes narrowed when Warren threw the blond slayer to the ground and pulled out a revolver and pointed it at her. Without thinking, Spike threw himself at Warren to protect his girl. The chip went off causing him unbearable pain but he didn't back down. He snatched the gun and punched Warren feverishly for trying to hurt his girl.

Xander looked at Spike with wonder in his eyes. Spike risked the immense pain to save his life. ~ Buffy's life! ~ His mind screamed at him but he shut that out. He was helped up by Buffy and Willow and the three friends locked eyes with the three nerds.

Suddenly Jonathan threw a ball onto the ground and it exploded into a cloud of smoke. Buffy yelled in Willow's voice, "You better leave town coz if I find you, you three are going down, hard!"

Spike blinked at that and was surprised to feel someone slowly helping him up. He looked down into the green eyes but they turned quickly to see if her friends were looking. Spike sighed and gently removed her hand from his arm. He could wait. She was just beginning to treat him with respect. He wouldn't push her.

Xander was surprised to feel Spike removing his hand and when he saw the hurt look in the blue eyes he wished he could kick himself. He was about to say something when Buffy's voice stopped him.

"Spike do you know where they keep their stuff?"

Spike stiffly nodded and took them to Warren's house.

******

The three friends stood in front of the trio's stuff that they brought from Warren's place. It was now spread all over Buffy's dining room table. They varied from computer programming to magical herbs and there was also a magic bone? Xander looked at Buffy. "Is there's something you can use to help us with our situation, *Wills*?" He asked looking at Buffy but actually speaking to Willow.

Willow stared at some of the gear. "Yes. Willow. With the computer memory we copied and the different magic books that were bookmarked I guess it might be useful." She said to Buffy, who understood the message.

Buffy nodded. "I think I could use some of this stuff, guys."

Spike stood by the door of the dining room. He had no clue what the three young humans were yapping about. It wasn't any of his business anyway. He was fighting the sharp headache in his brain that was still ringing since he attacked Warren.

"Hey," a hand rested on his arm. A soft voice asked, "Are you alright?"

He turned to see his blonde girl looking at him with concern. He gave her a reassuring smile and said. "I'm alright, luv'. Take the gloomy look off your pretty face."

Xander smiled at him. "Hey, let me walk you to your crypt."

They started walking when Buffy's Willow-voice broke in, "Uh Buffy? Where are you going?"

Xander and Spike turned and Xander answered. "I'm walking Spike to his crypt." He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Buffy raised an eyebrow, "Why?"

"He was the one who found the geeks and he saved my life and his chip went *zap*, so I have to return the favor." he answered.

"When did you start to care about Spike, *Buffy*?" Buffy alleged. ~ Xander never liked Spike. What changed now? ~

It was Xander's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Since he took care of my sister after I died and helped save your lives when I was away, not to mention he saved mine tonight, *Willow*."

Spike looked at the redhead with astonishment. ~ What's wrong with Red? She's always been nice to me? ~ All night Willow showed a lot of aggression towards him.

"Oh, c'mon Willow," Willow said to Buffy. "Spike helped tonight. The least Buffy can do is walk him home. He must still hurt from the chip."

Spike stared at the young man with shock. Xander smiled at his best friend and then took the stunned vampire's arm waving at his friends. "I won't be late, bye!"

Spike was trying to get some words out. Xander laughed at him. "What's wrong with you?"

"Did the boy just say something nice about me?" Spike asked.

Xander looked hurt. "What? Is it hard to believe?"

Spike gave him a look. "Yeah, I guess it is." Xander said upset.

Spike didn't seem to notice Xander's distress when he asked, "Well he's been different tonight. I mean did you see how sissy the boy acted? It was like he never fought with vampires or demons before, and they were just three shorter, weaker, sodden' humans!"

Xander flinched. ~ Why wasn't Buffy the one in my body? ~ He thought disappointed. He looked at Spike with a sweet smile, "I'm sure he acted that way because of his depression over Anya. He'll be back to his brave self in no time." ~ I hope! ~ He crossed his fingers.

Spike snorted. "His brave self, eh?" He chuckled, "Yeah, right!"

Xander caught himself before stupidity punching the chuckling vamp. He settled with pouting, ~ he thinks I'm a wuss! ~ He was surprised that the idea of Spike thinking he was chicken made him upset. ~ Since when did I care what he thought of me? ~ He wondered. ~ Maybe when we started making out! ~

It wasn't just that. Since Spike hugged him yesterday in the Magic Box, he was all what Xander was thinking about. Xander also wanted to be with the bleached vampire more than his own friends. It seemed to him that Spike knew him more than himself, with all the things he said yesterday in the shop. ~ Is that why Buffy went to him instead of us, her friends? Is it because he is so understanding? ~

"Why are you quiet, luv?"

Xander looked up at the handsome face that looked down at him with the sweetest smile on his lips. Xander smiled back. "Nothing, I was just thinking."

Spike frowned worriedly, "You alright?" he asked softly.

Xander giggled, "Yes, I'm fine mom!"

Spike hesitated for a moment before he laid a hand on Xander's arm. "You know I'm here for you, whenever you needed to talk, or anything." Xander smiled kindly at him, while he continued. "I'll always be there for you. When it's hard out there you come to my crypt and we'll just talk or do what you like. Everything for you Buffy. I love you."

Suddenly Xander's smile faded. Of course, Buffy, that was why he was nice to him. This was all for *Buffy*, the care, the kindness, the LOVE. ~ It's all for her, coz he thinks I'm her he treats me good. ~

He looked at the loving expression on the vamp face and his heart broke. All the times he thought it was just lust that Spike felt for Buffy, he was so wrong. It was ~ IS ~ love, sweet pure love. He wanted to smack himself for all the times he made it hard for the vamp.

And what was more wrong is that he was using Spike's love for Buffy for himself. The kisses he got for comfort from the vamp, Spike thought he was kissing Buffy, that wasn't right! When Spike finds out that the person in front of him isn't Buffy but Xander, the do-nut boy, he would. Xander didn't know what Spike would do, but knew it wouldn't be anything good. Besides, the whole thing was just wrong.

"Lost in thoughts again, luv?" Spike said smiling down at him.

Xander bit his lip, eyes downcast, ~ I have to tell him the truth. I can't use him like that! ~ Spike was so nice to him. He couldn't do that to the vampire.

Spike's look changed into worry. "Something wrong, Buffy?"

Xander shut his eyes forcefully. ~ I am *not* Buffy! ~

"Buffy?"

~ Don't call me that! I'm not her, I'm *not*! ~ He chanted furiously in his head.

"Luv?"

Xander looked up miserably at the concerned blond. "Spike, there's something I need to tell you."

Spike touched his arm lightly, looking alarmed. "What is it?"

~ I can't! ~ Xander looked straight at Spike before saying firmly. "Angel is coming to Sunnydale." He couldn't say it. He didn't want to lose him. Not when Buffy's first love is coming. He would tell Spike the truth after the dark vampire left.

"Oh, Buffy." Spike hugged Xander into his arms protectively. "Don't worry, pet. He won't bother you. Not when I'm here."

Xander felt his heart twist with guilt. Spike thought he was upset because of Angel. ~ Well, I am but that's not it right now. ~ He was more upset coz Spike is being nice to him but not actually to him. ~ God this is so messed up! ~

He had just noticed that they were inside Spike's crypt. His chest was hurting so much. With Angel coming and the horrible feeling he had in his heart, Xander wanted comfort and wanted to feel safe. ~ I know I said it was wrong but . . . ~

He looked up sadly at Spike. "Kiss me," he pleaded. The words came out as a whisper.

Spike didn't hastate; he leaned forward and pressed his cool lips to Xander's trembling ones. Xander enjoyed the feeling of the cool tongue sweeping into his mouth, taking all the stress away.

He cupped Spike's head with his hands and pushed himself up to reach Spike. He forced his tongue to reach as far as it could in the vamp's cooler mouth.

The moment Xander felt Spike's hard-on, he moaned with pleasure. That was when Spike's hands moved under Xander's shirt. When Xander realized what the vampire was about to do, he pulled back staring at confused blue eyes.

Panting, Xander shook his head. "No, just kiss me." he said and Spike did with no second thought.

They kissed for hours and Xander wished it would last forever. He pushed away all the thoughts about Angel and Cordelia coming to town away along with the thought of Spike thinking he was kissing Buffy. He wanted to enjoy the moment while it lasted.

~Part: 5~

"So, that's *all* you're taking?!"

Xander asked looking at Dawn who was packing her over night bag. ~ Is she going over to her friend's house? >From the looks of the bag she's stuffing she's going overseas! ~ The teenager turned her head towards her supposed to be her sister not noticing the surprised manner she was addressed with. "Yep, it's all for the sake of Algebra."

"I don't get it. What's Angel and Cordy's visit got to do with you not being able to study Algebra?" Xander asked bemused.

"I told you. With Cordelia bitching around and Angel moping about his lost son, how is that again? I thought vamps can't have kids? Anyway I won't be able to study. Besides, with me gone Cordy can have my room and Willow won't have to share the bed with her."

Xander chuckled at the idea of Buffy sharing a bed, her mother's bed, with Queen C herself. As for Dawn, he knew the young girl was lying. She never actually liked either Angel or Cordelia. When he was in high school, Dawn had this major crush on him. She hated Cordelia for dating him and because he hated Angel she hated him too. They used to make plans together to make Angel look stupid in front of Buffy and Joyce.

~ Ah the good old days! ~

He smirked at Dawn and said, "Oh, really?"

Dawn didn't get his tone as she replied. "Ye-ah?" she opened her mouth about to question him about what he meant.

That was when they heard a car's horn beeping. "That's must be Janice's mom!" she exclaimed taking her bag and giving her older sister/Xander a kiss on the cheek.

Xander watched her running out of the room and called. "Take care!"

Dawn ran into the redhead/Buffy that was standing by the stairs. "Bye Willow!" she said as she passed her.

Buffy looked at Dawn uneasily and followed her outside. "I'm still not sure that's a really good idea. I mean we're not gonna be in the house much, you can study here as much as you like!" she called out to her sister's retreating back.

Dawn said "hi" to the woman behind the wheel and opened the car door then turned to look at Buffy. "Quit babbling Willow. I'm going and that's the end of it." She got inside and closed the door.

"But." Buffy couldn't carry on as the car drove away, leaving her standing. Xander stood next to her and patted her back. "She's gonna be fine," he said softly.

"I know, but I just worry," she replied sighing.

"C'mon, let's go to the Magic Box and wait for Willow to get back from the site."

Suddenly, Buffy's heart tightened. "Oh Will. Man, she's gonna freak when she knows that I blew her exam."

******

The bell jingled announcing someone entering the shop. Xander came out of the back room. "Welcome to the Magic Box how may I.. Wills hi!" he greeted his friend cheerfully.

Willow was no where near cheerful; shuffling across the room hunching all the way, sounding pitiful grunts. Xander looked her over, overlooking her haggard state he asked, "How was the work day for our working man?"

Willow looked at him angry that he would dare ask such a question. "They made us haul bricks, no! HUGE brick all day! What do they think we are, animals!?"

Xander smirked, "Well that's just a regular day for the Xan-Man." Willow hobbled past him to the training room with just a glare to make her point. "I'm going to take a shower!"

Xander shook his head in amusement. Who would've thought being switched could be SO much fun! With that refreshing thought, he followed his friend.

Willow was taking off her shirt as he entered. She held it in a way that could only be interpreted as disgust.

The former witch looked at the stinky shirt and wrinkled her nose. "Why do men sweat SO much?!" she said, grimacing at the offending garment.

"Well I think it has something to do with cleansing the body of deadly poisons or something." A feminine voice answered her.

Willow shrieked and turned around still hold the soggy shirt. "Xander you scared me!"

"My bad, I used my slayery stealth on you," he said with no real regret in his voice.

"What are you doing here anyway?!"

Xander looked around then answered slowly as if he were talking to a child, "I work here."

"Oh." Willow felt silly, but then looked him in the eye. "I meant why did you follow me in here," she said in a less then confident tone knowing that Xander didn't believe her but silently begged her friend to give her some slack. Luckily for her, Xander didn't say anything about it but instead he calmly pointed at a duffle bag near the door. "I was going to give you some of my clothes."

"Oh, okay. Thanks." She felt even more stupid. Absentmindedly she started to unbutton her worn-out jeans when she suddenly stopped, and raised her head to look accusingly at Xander.

"Hello, I'm getting ready to shower here!"

"*Hello* that's my body you're getting ready to shower there. There's nothing there that I haven't seen before."

Xander approached her tapping on her head. "Xander head." Then the shoulders. "Xander shoulders." Then he slid his hands down the arms. "Also Xander ar.." He stopped and ran his hands over the arm again. He squinted his eyes as if to look closely but the room was too dark. Frowning, he practically ran to the wall before clicking on the lights and running back to Willow to stop as his eyes widened comically reminding Willow of a cartoon character.

Xander couldn't believe what he was seeing. Could it be true, could Willow actually be capable of doing such a horrifying act?

"WILLOW! You shaved my arms!!!" Xander was beyond yelling at that point.

Willow smiled. "Oh and your belly too, see!" she said cheerily pointing at said hairless abdomen.

Xander made a whimpering sound. Willow frowned. "What's wrong? I thought you'd like."

"LIKE! Will you shaved my body!!"

Willow huffed, running her hand over the now smooth hairless arm. "Well *I* was doing you a favor. it was icky and . hairy. Anyway, your work pals thought it was really nice."

"WHAT!" Xander cried out.

"Yep, they were *way* nicer than you are now. They said that I was all soft and smooth like a kitty and they winked at me." Willow smiled remembering at least the nicest thing that happened to her today.

Xander was out of breath. He felt like passing out. "They said. and did, what?! God, they think I'm gay!"

Willow looked offended. "They do not!" She stopped, remembering the whistling and cat calls. "Well. there is nothing wrong if you are gay," she said weakly.

"There is IF I AM NOT!"

~ Yep not gay here. So what if I spent the better part of last night in a lip lock with Spike, a very hot yet very male vampire. See not gay. nope. bi more like it ~ Xander moaned. ~ Great time to have a sexual realization when I am now technically a deferent sex! Just a normal week in the life of Xander Harris. ~

Xander looked over his true body then he gazed into his brown eyes intently. "Wills. now I want you to answer me honestly. Did you shave anywhere else?"

Willow bit her lip and fidgeted. An act very disturbing to see performed by Xander's large body. "Um. anything that I thought wasn't. necessary? I was bored!"

"Oh and a sure cure to boredom is shaving my body from head to toe!" He looked at his now short brown strands. "Okay maybe just trimmed the hair. But what about. my." He took a deep breath readying himself for the answer. "Please tell me my gorgeous penis has not been de-manhood-ed as well."

Willow grimaced. "*De-manhood-ed*.. And *gorgeous* full much? To answer that grammatically in so many ways wrong question. Eeew! No!"

Xander sniffed. "I have it from reliable sources that I am well attached."

"'Reliable sources'? Xander, you only slept with Anya!"

"Hey! Don't forget Faith! Oh wait, I don't think she noticed it long enough since she." Xander was brought to a halt remembering his 'encounter' with the crazy slayer.

~ Jeez SO glad I got stuck in this slayer! ~

Willow looked worriedly at Xander. "Xan, you wanna talk?"

"Nah Will, you need to get into that shower. You're beginning to stink."

"Hey, that's your manly body that is stinking mister!"

"Not minus a gorgeous penis, thank God!"

"Xander you are SO gross. One would think you like to gaze at it!"

"You mean you don't?"

"GOD XANDER!! Men are SO disgusting!!"

"What is this interesting conversation all about?" Buffy asked entering the training room.

"I was just pointing out that ."

"Nothing!" Willow cut Xander off. She didn't want Buffy to know the recent banter about her gorgeous penis. ~ um. Xander's gorgeous penis! ~

She quickly distracted Buffy by asking, "Oh, Buffy? How's my exam?"

Buffy's features changed as she stammered, "Ooh I wanna know first about the discussion you had with Xander!" She turned to Xander for support.

"Buffy, exam, tell!" Willow's facial facade looked murderous.

Xander pushed Willow to the shower with some help from his slayer strength. "Better take a shower, Will. You stink!" He whooped.

Willow fell in the shower and looked at Xander with wide eyes as if she was betrayed or something. The blond girl smiled sheepishly and dragged Buffy outside. "Sorry Wills!"

After a few minutes, Willow came out of the bathroom not at all pleased. It usually took her an hour, in the bathroom, at least, to feel clean. She looked at her best friends who were sitting at the round table. "I don't feel clean. I wanna have a bath," she pouted.

Buffy gestured at Xander. "I bet you wish you had those three hundred baths Xander took this morning. He reeks of my vanilla soap!" Xander glared at her. ~ Well of course I'm gonna have to wash Spike's scent off me so you're precious gloomy vampire won't sniff him on me! ~ He replied to her silently then got an evil gleam in his eyes.

"A *gi-rl* should smell her best when her ex-boyfriend is coming." He swiftly hid under the table when Buffy abruptly threw a book at him.

"Not one of Giles' book!" Willow shouted as she rushed to examine the book now residing face down on the floor.

Buffy only spared her a second of her attention raising an eyebrow at how Willow 'comforted' the upturned book, caressing it softly as she picked it up. Buffy then looked with a fake glare towards Xander.

"You! What *are* you intending to do?"

Xander gave Buffy the 'I'm cute and innocent so why are you looking at me like that?' look. "What are you saying?" he said coyly with some blinks for extra effect.

Buffy laughed out loud. "Oh, let's see, what would Xander say to Angel? Since you hate his guts you ." Suddenly she frowned then looked at Xander who pretended to look elsewhere. "You better not say anything bad to Angel and let him think it was me who.!"

Xander cut her off calling out Willow. "Oh right Will, you didn't ask Buffy about the exam!" He smirked at Buffy's flinch.

Willow looked at Buffy. "Oh yeah, tell me Buffy. How did you do?"

Buffy looked at her nervously. "I-I .I did ." The doorbell's jingle saved Buffy's life, literally, chiefly when it was Tara who entered. "Tara!!" Buffy yelped happily running to hide behind the older witch. "Please Tara! Save me from big scary Xander!" Buffy pleaded.

"Oh it's alright, Will." Tara patted the shivering redhead and wondered about the livid look in the young man's eyes. ~ I've never seen Xander this upset with Willow. except that time when she and Anya were fighting all the time and got him in the middle of it all. ~

The dark haired boy pointed at her girlfriend saying dangerously, "She better not have failed the exam!"

Tara raised an eyebrow. ~ Xander is worried that Willow would fail an exam? . Oh! That reminds me what I'm here for. ~ She turned towards the quivering redhead.

"Um sweetie, could you come here?"

"You'll protect me from mean ol' Xander?" Buffy, in the body of Tara's girlfriend, pouted.

"Yeah, yeah."

She took the younger witch by her hand and let her stand near the other two Scoobies. She pointed scornfully at the young man. "Don't you hurt her!" she said in a phony stern voice.

Before Willow, in Xander's body, could reply, Tara quickly slipped her hand into her handbag and pulled out a scarlet pouch. She waved it and sprinkled pearly dust all over the three Scoobies. She mumbled some unrecognizable words then gazed at the startled three.

Tara's eyes got wide at the sight in front of her. There was Willow looking very comfortable in the big space she was wrapped up in- Xander's body. Next to it, there was Buffy inside Willow's body and . Tara tried to block her giggles at the sight of Xander's big manly body that was ensnared in Buffy's tiny little body.

"Tara, what's going on?" Willow asked from inside of the big mass that is Xander. Her voice was carried along with Xander's, whose mouth moved with Willow's words. However, only Tara heard Willow's true voice because only she saw the redhead inside of the young construction worker's body.

Tara only gave a seductive smile at her real girlfriend and walked slowly towards her. Though mindful of their audience, she put her arms around Willow's neck and looked up into her chocolate brown eyes. Willow looked down at her confused, which was when Tara raised herself up to place her lips on hers. Quickly, Willow recovered from her shock and kissed Tara back. Her arms went around Tara holding her tight and she pressed her manly body to her.

Xander and Buffy exchanged looks and debated silently if they should leave the two alone.

Willow was so into the kiss that she wasn't aware of her hard on. Tara, however, was aware of it pressing against her body. The blond witch backed up breaking the kiss. "Oh, oh, that's new," she said with a blush.

Willow also had a blush on her cheeks, staring down at Tara. "How did you know?" She asked in a whisper afraid that if she spoke louder Tara would leave. Tara looked her over noticing that the small illuminating spell she had placed on them had ended.

Tara raised an eyebrow. "Oh, c'mon Will. You're better than that. Didn't you sense the magic in the pouch?"

Willow shrugged. "Well, it's hard to tell when you're a non-magical person."

Buffy was trying to work things out in her mind. "Okay, so um . you know?"

Tara turned to face the redhead, who should have been to be her girlfriend, and smiled.

"Yes, Buffy." She turned to the blonde and her smile got bigger. "Hi Xander. How's life in a girl's body treating you?"

Xander was impressed of how Tara's personality had grown more confident this year. It was a good change. She finally started to feel like one of the Scoobies and he was glad. She was good for Willow and good for the gang too. He returned her smile. "I'm coping." He shook his head with an exaggerated sigh

Buffy smacked him lightly on the arm. "Hey, it's not that bad being me!"

Xander just smiled at her. ~You have no idea ~ With that thought, Xander's mind reviewed all the advantages of him being in Buffy's body. Living in this tight, soft, well-curved, small body, yet being all strong and able to kick some ~ * a LOT of* ~ demon ass and not to forget the most important thing, which is getting all the tasty Spike smoochies. No, it was not bad at all!

Tara's question shook him from his thoughts. "So, who caused this mess?"

Xander snorted. "Who do you think? It's the Trio Geeks."

"Who?"

"He means Warren and his buddies. They shot us with a magical laser and the long, and short story, we exchanged bodies. We caught them yesterday but they got away," Buffy answered her.

"I wonder where they are," Willow questioned.

Somewhere on the road near Mexico.

~ They just *had* to pack all the comics! Because of them, we almost forgot the Star Trek action figures! I am SO ditching them for real lackies the minute we reach Mexico. ~ Warren grunted and tried to get even closer to the window. They had hitch hiked and were picked up by this truck driver and were now squished all three of them not to mention the huge trucker in front.

Jonathan whimpered and tried to shrink back towards Andrew and away from the big hairy man. ~ I know he was looking at my goods! Oh God, he wants to make me his buttmonkey!! ~ He glared sideways, since it was almost impossible for him to move in the tight cabin, at Warren. ~ It is all his fault! He wanted to kill the slayer and her chums and I bet leave me and Andrew to catch the fall. I am SO taking Andrew away from him the minute we set foot in Mexico. ~

As the two 'former' members of the Trio 'plotted' Andrew was having all together different thoughts. ~ *mind squeal* We are going to Mexico!! That is SO cool. and I'll be shacked up with Warren, who is totally hot and Jonathan who is just plain cute! I am gonna have so much fun! ~ He giggled. He was the only one relishing their tight squeeze since he was sandwiched between the two.

Back at the Magic Box.

It was sunset when Tara heard the whole story; weird dreams and funny experiences included. It took her a long time to understand a word amid all that interrupting shared between Buffy, Xander and Willow. It seemed that they all wanted to tell the story him/herself as if they were some five year olds. For that, she gave them a parental disapproving look. All three promptly shut their mouths and stared at the floor shamefaced. Tara then nodded at Willow to explain from the beginning. She was not worried about her Willow-babble. She wouldn't be her girlfriend without it. However, it did sound somewhat strange in Xander's voice.

Eventually, Tara looked at Willow with wonder. "Why didn't you tell me all of this? I could've helped."

Willow looked at her forlornly. "I know. It's just that you've been through a lot this year because of me so I didn't want to bother you even more."

Tara couldn't help the smile that came to her lips. The 'Willow-sad-and-pitiful-eye' look that she always gave when she was guilty or depressed made the Xander face look extremely adorable. ~ Well even more adorable than it already was ~

She touched the muscular arm, gazing into the big sad brown eyes. "Next time, I want you to tell me if you're in some sort of trouble regardless of whatever is happening between us, okay?"

Willow nodded with a smile, almost exploding with joy at the touch. Her eyes glazed over remembering their kiss earlier. ~ We are SO getting back together! I think being in Xander's body calls for a mind Snoopy dance, woohoo! ~

Tara then turned to face the redhead. "Okay, I understand not telling me or Dawn, but why didn't you call Giles? He would've helped."

"No," Buffy stated firmly. "Giles must not know about this. We can handle it ourselves."

All of a sudden, they heard the shop doorbell, as a customer came in. An old man looked at Xander smiling. "Are you the owner of this shop, young lady?" he asked politely.

Xander nodded.

"I'm looking for some items. Could you please help me?"

"Right a way, sir!" Xander said merrily and gave Willow a nod to follow. Willow followed Xander behind the counter to help since Xander still couldn't recognize all the items in the shop.

Tara's eyes haven't left Buffy's bent Willow-face. She moved to sit next her girlfriend look alike and laid a comforting hand on Buffy's arm. "Giles," Buffy started. "He left because he thought I depended on him too much, that I wasn't responsible." She looked with a sad smile at Tara. "And he was right. Hence us not telling him, I can't look at him and see the disappointed look in his eyes again."

Tara squeezed her hand. "I'm sure he won't be disappointed. He'll understand that you needed him and ."

"No!" Buffy shook her head more firmly. "We can do this. We're adults, we'll find a way."

"Buffy, even adults need help sometimes."

Buffy looked at her. "Well, we have you Tara. You're gonna help us with this, right?"

"Yes, but ."

"Problem solved. There's no need for Giles. Please Tara, don't call him!" Buffy gave Tara the puppy eyes look, taking the advantage of being in Willow's body. ~ C'mon Tara, it's me, Willow. You can't say no to these puppy eyes! ~ Tara looked into those big green eyes that belonged to her lover and just couldn't resist.

She sighed in defeat. "Alright, but if we don't find a solution soon, we're calling Mr. Giles!"

"Okay!"

Tara smiled at Buffy's joyful response and happy smile. Although it was on Willow's face, it still reminded her of the happy look Buffy had when she came to her birthday party in her house. This year she and Buffy had this close friendship that she wouldn't give up for the world. It had all started when Buffy told her about her 'affair' with Spike.

Tara sulked for a moment and slowly turned her head towards Xander. He was giving the receipt to the costumer and telling him to come back again as he left the shop. Was it possible that Xander hadn't come across Spike in the pervious four nights? Moreover, if he had, did Spike let it slip about him and Buffy?

Speaking of the Devil, Spike entered the Magic Box. Tara noticed Buffy tense. "What are doing here, Spike?" The redhead asked with panicked tone looking at her watch. Soon Angel would be here and she couldn't stand a fight breaking out in the shop. And that would be more than likely if the history between the two vampires meant anything. They could break something! ~ Oh God! I'm talking like Anya, I have to disinfect the shop as soon as possible! ~

"Been a long time since I saw the old poofter. Last I saw of him, he was hanging around with hot pokers sticking out of him. I'd like to see how he got over it?" the blonde vampire smirked around a cigarette.

Xander rolled his eyes at the stupid cover story. Spike was taken back by the evil glare that he received from the redhead. He didn't know why Willow would be angry like that about what he said. Xander grabbed Spike's arm pulling him to the back room and away from the deadly look. "C'mon Spike, let's go train some."

"Why do you wanna train now, Buffy?" Buffy asked Xander anxiously, fearing her luck would run out and Spike would talk about what happened between them. "Angel is gonna be here any minute."

"Well until he comes I could use some advantage of the not-so-evil-one here in training." Xander replied, dragging Spike with him to the training room.

Buffy shrugged, not giving what he said much thought since she noticed Xander taking every chance he could to train. ~ Hmm I should consider that when we get back to our own bodies. ~

Tara eyed Xander with suspicion and followed him and the vampire after making sure that Buffy and Willow were too engrossed in talking about some make up exam to notice her. She peeked into the training room from the ajar door, her eyes widened at the sight of *Xander* trying to kiss Spike. She slowly backed away from the door and walked back towards the others, thinking that with her standing there, Spike could sense her or worse, that Willow and Buffy would suspect and discover everything and a completely new problem would ensue. She was determined to ask Xander about it later.

Inside the training room, Spike stopped Xander from kissing him with a gentle hand, and looked at the glaring green eyes and the tempting pouting lip. "Don't think it's a good idea, pet. Don't suppose you want your ex-lover Caveman smelling me on you?"

Xander groaned with aggravation. "Guess we don't want that, right?"

Spike scowled. "Don't give a fuck 'bout that ponce. If we had it my way, I would've shagged you so hard you would say 'Angel who?'" Spike smiled at the blush that spread through the girl's cheeks and the rich smell of womanly arousal. The thing that got to him was that she never blushed like this before. Bloody hell, she changed so much in the last few days, and he loved every single change so far.

A flushed Xander eased himself from Spike's hold. "Well, we sure can't have that right now. I mean I don't want anyone knowing about us." Xander didn't miss the hurt on the vampire's face, ".yet." He finished and Spike looked at him with disbelief.

Xander smiled gently at him. "Yes, when the time is right, I'm gonna tell everyone about our relationship."

~ Our relationship! She never thought that way about us before. ~

A smile that broke Xander's heart curled up on Spike's lips, "Really?"

Xander nodded without thinking, forgetting that he was Buffy to the vampire and not Xander Harris. Spike approached him smiling down at him. "I'd be kissing you right now but I think we should wait . 'til the poof and ex-cheerleader leave." He sighed, "You have no idea how much I want you right at this moment, Buffy."

Xander's smile faded at the mention of his best friend name. Right, Spike thinks he was Buffy, and Xander just promised him he that he was going to tell everyone about 'their relationship', which was in fact Spike and Buffy's relationship. He was making all theses choices in Buffy's life without her knowing about it, just because he had feelings for ..

Xander felt his stomach heaving. What the hell was wrong with him? Why does he feel like this towards a soulless vampire? God, it only had been nearly three weeks since his break up with Anya and he was already thinking about being with someone else. Spike, for God's sake! Sure, he discovered another side of the vampire that he liked but that didn't mean he had to make out with him! Especially with Spike thinking he was Buffy and all. Suddenly he felt sick.

He looked away from Spike who eyed him worriedly. "What is it, luv?"

Xander didn't meet his eyes. "Nothing, I just . Angel and Cordelia are coming soon. We'd better get out there before everyone suspects anything," he said as he quickly walked out the door.

Spike stood there for a second wondering if he jinxed them, then followed him, bewildered.

******

Less then an hour later, they heard brakes as a car stopped in front of the shop. They stood quickly when Cordelia entered the Magic Box. She smiled at her high school friends. "Hi guys, long time no see!" Then she turned towards Tara. "Hi, you must be Tara, right?" Tara just smiled and nodded.

Cordelia looked at the bleached vampire. "Hi Spike, you're still chipped, right?"

Spike raised an eyebrow at the girl's . no, the woman's mature look, not to mention hot! She was wearing a navy blue V-neck shirt that was tight on her ample breast. Her hair was blonde and very short, its style making her look older than her real age. Spike didn't hate the change, in fact he *really* liked it. He just smirked and nodded, while Buffy, Xander and Willow gaped like gold fish. Cordelia looked much older than her twenty-one years. She looked adult and grown up, whilst the trio of friends still looked like some old teenagers.

~ Her hair! ~ Willow thought with astonishment ~ is short . too short.~ She frowned ~ I prefer her long hair. It was so beautiful. Oh, just the thought of it running between my fingers makes me drool. ~ Her eyes widened with dread at that thought. ~ Drool? Where did that came from? I am not drooling over *Cordelia Chase*! It's all because of those stupid dreams where I, *Xander*, kissed her in the closets, or is it because I'm in Xander's body? Yes, that's it! I mean *Cordelia*? No way! ~

~ Blonde? ~ Buffy thought with disgust. ~ Blonde? Seriously Cordy, this color *so* not for you! What the hell happened to your sense of fashion? Did you lose it when you went to LA? I thought people's taste got better in LA. um not that I ever thought Miss I'm-better-then-you-all ever had *any* fashion sense! ~

~ She's wearing colored lenses! Oooh her eyes are slivery blue now! ~ Xander thought dreamily. ~ I've always loved blue eyes, they're my favorite! ~ The now blonde slayer suddenly frowned. ~ When were they my favorite? ~ Thinking about it, all the women he had interest in had brown or green eyes, but never blue. ~ When did I start to like blue? ~ He pictured in his mind a pair of bright crystal blue eyes.

Then, a tall dark figure entered gradually. He looked around but didn't catch anyone's eyes. Instead, he stood beside Cordelia but still in a way behind her. Buffy and Willow's hearts softened at the lost look in Angel's eyes. They could never come to grasp how it was to loose a child.

On the other hand, Xander and Spike were eying Angel warily. Both of them had several baths, hoping the brunette vampire would not detect their scents on each other. Angel, who was too lost in his own misery to sniff any doubtful smells, finally looked up at the blonde girl standing next to Spike. He slowly approached her and hugged her tightly seeking the kind of comfort he could only get in his once lover's arms.

Xander stood uncomfortably in Angel's embrace. He clumsily patted him on his back. "There, there," Xander said awkwardly, looking at Spike who backed away when Angel came up to him. Now the blonde vampire was fiddling with his lighter and watching his grand-sire with an attentive eye.

Buffy grimaced at Xander's gawky reaction and caught his eye motioning to him in a look that said 'act like you care will ya? He lost his kid'. The male slayerette sighed and hugged Angel back this time with care. "It's going to be okay, Angel," he murmured softly.

It didn't look like Angel was going to let go any time soon, he only hugged his slayer and let out a whimpering sound. All the girls seemed to tear up at that, except for Willow whose manly hormones didn't allow her to be that sensitive. Even Spike had started to feel sorry for the older vampire.

~ No one deserves to lose a child even me old sire ~ He closed his eyes, feeling the anguish and utmost despair rolling off his elder ~ especially him ~

******

Since it was late and Angel and Cordelia were tired, everyone thought it would be better if they gathered the following day at Buffy's. Cordelia was going home with Xander/Buffy and Buffy/Willow and sleep in Dawn's room. Since Cordelia refused to let Angel stay alone in the mansion, Buffy thought that Angel could stay at Xander's apartment. Willow felt uncomfortable with that thought, so Spike decided to take his grandsire with him, and actually got strange looks from everybody and a whispered "please don't fight" from Xander/Buffy. Willow offered Tara to take her home, with meaningful smiles from both girls even though one was essentially in a boy's body. Xander gave Willow the 'don't use my body for your own pleasure' look and got a 'who me?' look in return.

Xander, Buffy and Cordelia sat watching movies and eating popcorn in front of the TV. Xander and Buffy were alternating between the blaring screen and watching Cordelia's grown up behavior. She just sat there drinking her coffee, watching TV and talking in a mature fashion about how they were. In conclusion, this was not their Cordelia Chase. Xander leaned over whisper in Buffy's ear. "This is getting on my nerves. She didn't even remark on my clothes. What happened to our Cordy? I'm scared."

Buffy whispered back in disgust. "It's evil L.A. It ruined Cordy and changed her to this . different person." She couldn't admit that Cordelia looked and acted more adult than she is.

The object of their whispering spoke which caused both Xander and Buffy to jump out of their skins, again. "Actually, your taste in clothes is worse, if possible, than it used to be, Buffy. And I think L.A. made me 'mature' is the word you were looking for, Willow." Cordelia said without looking at them.

The once prom queen turned to them smiling. "You guys on the other hand haven't changed much, except Willow got a better hair cut and Buffy lost a lot of weight that Xander seems to have found." She frowned, "Also he became girlier."

"Hey!" Xander countered with anger. "Xander is a big mucho man. He's a manly, manly, manly man.. And he has muscles, too!"

Cordelia raised an eyebrow at the bizarre reaction while Buffy whispered to the fuming Xander. "Yep that was manly." He gave her a look and stood furiously leaving to his current bedroom. "I'm not sitting here like some teenage girl, which I'm obviously not. I'm gonna get some shut eye coz I have to open the Magic Box early in the morning."

Cordelia and Buffy followed his huffing back with astonishment. "What's her deal!?" Cordelia snapped.

"I have no idea." Buffy answered chewing on popcorn, again engrossed in the movie

******

"Here we are, home sweet crypt," Spike said disdainfully to the brooding hulk behind him as he opened the door.

Angel entered knowing that as vampires they don't need invites to other vamps homes. He looked around as Spike lightened candles that seemed to fill the room. Even without the soft lamination of the candles, he could discern a lumpy chair and an old T.V. and a small fridge, which from the look of them came from the dumpster. He vaguely noticed the smell of ashes, his eyes locked on a trap door realizing the smell of the not so old burning came from there.

"It was a nice prezzie from soldier boy," Spike answered the unasked question. Angel understood who the blond vampire was speaking of. He still remembered Buffy's old boyfriend, one of the people responsible for his boy's weakness. The reason one of the greatest vampires was living in a shamble of a crypt that the lower half if it was burned apparently by the boy Riley himself. He couldn't believe that Spike lived here.

Spike stood in the middle of the room and crossed his arms. He waited for the question he knew Angel was going to ask.

"You live here?" Angel finally asked with a frown.

~ And there it is! ~ Spike thought angrily.

"Yes! 'Have a problem with my existence?" he practically growled. "You don't like how I live!?"

~ How dare he? And I was stupid enough to bring him into my home. that would teach me to feel sorry for him! ~ The fuming thoughts kept jumping through Spike's mind.

Angel didn't seem to notice the snappish tone that Spike used. "Uh. well you are a bit thin."

"Yes well bloody baggies cost a bundle. but I guess you know that, Chubby!" Spike sneered.

Angel opened his mouth then frowned as he looked down at himself. He then raised his eyes to catch Spike's, whose eyes were fairly amused. Angel replied, annoyed at the jab, "I'll have you know that my weight is perfect for my height." He stopped and looked over Spike with a frown. "You really lost a lot of weight. maybe."

"Don't you dare say anything about my height Angelus!" Spike warned.

That seemed to have woken Angel out of his stupor. "*Maybe* I can get you some more blood."

"Yeah well.. Huh?" That caught Spike off guard and actually brought a small smirk onto Angel's lips. "Yeah, well, do' wan' your charity," he finished off lamely without much venom.

Suddenly Angel felt tired like he hasn't slept for a long time, which was true. How can you get a peaceful night sleep when you just lost your baby boy?

".You can have the tomb," he hazily heard Spike say.

"Huh? What did you say?"

Spike rolled his eyes at the question. "I said that even if the cardboard cutout hadn't burnt down my bed and half my stuff down there, I wouldn't share the same bed with you again. So, in either case you can have the tomb to sleep on."

Angel looked at the stone tomb and grimaced, which Spike of course noticed and had to comment on. "If it was good enough for me, mate, it would surely be good enough for you."

"What about you?" Angel sounded concerned.

Spike answered that question by slumping on the leather chair. "You better not snore like you used to," the younger vampire mumbled already falling into sleep.

Lying on the stone tomb, Angel couldn't bring himself to sleep. He thought he could because in a strange way he felt welcomed, he felt among family and safe. But he couldn't help but look over his sleeping grand-childe.

~ No, my childe. I raised him as my own. It doesn't matter that it was Drusilla that brought him over to the land of the undead, I'm the one who taught him how to survive it. ~

Angel carefully stood up and closed in on the sleeping vampire. Spike looked like the young innocent boy he was when he was human. He still was as beautiful as Angel remembered him, if not a little thin. Angel wondered how Spike didn't freeze living in a cold crypt like this with him being barely more than skin and bones. A thought struck Angel and he quickly took off his long coat. He carefully draped it over the sleeping vampire cautious not to wake him. He leaned in and softly kissed his forehead. "I'm so proud of you," he whispered. He then returned to his sleeping place for the day and lay down feeling more at ease than he had felt in a long time.

~ After I finish what I have here in Sunnydale I'm going to take Spike with me to LA. He is my responsibility after all. ~ He dimly thought about what happened with Dru but dropped that thought as quickly as it came. Angel rolled on to his side and closed his eyes, welcoming sleep at last.

After nearly half an hour, two blue eyes opened. Spike tenderly touched the soft material of the coat. He raised his eyes to look at his sire; ~ he will always be 'sire' to me. ~ He could see his still form lying on the stone sarcophagus in a tight fetal position. Spike wondered if it was from the cold. Settling his mind, he slowly got up, carefully took off Angel's coat and placed it on the chair. He then took off his duster and as carefully draped it over Angel, but not before he caught the sight of something. Angel was clutching a small blue cloth tightly to his chest. Upon a closer look, Spike distinguished it as a baby's attire.

Spike narrowed his eyes taking in the way Angel held the clothing near him with such care. He now truly got how this tragedy, the death of a son, had laid its marks on Angel. He barely stifled the urge to touch his sire's face to wipe away the stray tears. Instead, he made sure that his duster sheltered his sire and smiled when he saw Angel pull it around him. He took his seat and rested his head against the pad. Silently he vowed to help Angel in any way he could.

~ Without endangering my rep of course ~

******

Xander stood behind the counter in the Magic Box. He was running the shop by himself; there weren't many customers this morning. He was lost in his own thoughts, that included ~ I can't go on like this; one day without Spike kisses was hard. How can I go through the other three days with Angel staying here without them?! ~, also another constant one was, ~ do I have to be nice to Angel today, too? ~

That was when Buffy, Willow and Cordelia entered giggling like schoolgirls. This annoyed Xander since he certainly wasn't one! Willow caught his death-ray-glare and placed a hand over her mouth to muffle the silly laugh.

Cordelia took a seat at the research table while Buffy and Willow went to get them some refreshments from the small yet convenient fridge in the training room.

"Buffy," The former high school prom queen greeted casually.

"Cordelia," Xander replied. "What were you three talking about that sounded SO exciting?"

"Oh that!" Cordelia looked interested. "We were talking about clothes. I commented on how Xander's clothes had improved, not greatly mind you, still way below *my* standards, but for him it was a huge change! And I asked him what was the big change for and he said that he was into the new fashion now. So we started talking about designs and which one were more comfortable for slayage. Oh! And we're thinking about going shopping tomorrow. Wanna come?"

It took Xander several minutes to digest the information. And several more to decide on what to freak out about. Of course, there was the one where Willow actually used *his* mouth and uttered the word fashion! On the other hand, there's the one she had an actual conversation with Cordelia on the merits of comfy attire while killing demons. Maybe the part where she actually agreed on taking his body, HIS BODY, to a store where he was sure any man entered would be deemed gay! And since Xander was perfectly 'content' with his sexuality ~ shut up brain! ~ he chose the later.

Luckily for Xander, that was when Buffy and Willow entered carrying four diet Cokes. Buffy gave one to Xander who looked at the diet label with disgust, while Willow gave the other to Cordelia.

Cordelia took her Coke grateful for the cold refreshment not failing to notice the one Willow was now drinking. "Good for you Xan. You're finally realizing the virtues of dieting!"

"Oh not to mention buying new clothes too!"

Willow choked when she heard the steely words coming from Xander. She slowly raised her eyes and when she caught the angry green ones, she tried to smile goofily

"Not gonna work on me. I perfected it, remember!" Xander shot back.

Cordelia looked at them confused. ~ what *is* Buffy's deal today? I tried to act civil and asked her to come shopping with us and she just got this weird look on her face like she was going to faint or something ~ Cordelia huffed ~ Well, her loss I have Angel's credit card!~  She watched while Willow laughed as Xander tried to explain something to Buffy in a low voice. She only caught a few like "sorry" and "Doesn't" and "gay". Cordelia frowned on that one she tried to move closer around the round table she was sitting at but that only caused her to almost drop a large book. Almost because she was able to catch it. Before it fell, it opened to a pre-marked page. Something in Cordelia urged her to read it. And since she was born and raised in Sunnydale and still lived to tell the tale, she followed her instincts.

She could still hear the murmuring in the background, suddenly everything that happened since she got here made sense. Out of the blue, Cordelia started laughing.

"Cordy, are you okay?" Xander asked in his concerned Buffy voice. Cordelia just spit out her coke when she laughed, she had never done that before! It was beneath her Queen Elegance statues.

Cordelia looked up at Xander and started laughing again. Between chuckles, she pointed at the book. The three friends gasped comprehending what just happened. Cordelia found out their secret. Willow wanted to slap herself for leaving that book out. Xander shrugged and wondered which one will find out next, would it be Dawn or Spike. He gulped ~ God, please let it be Dawn! ~. Buffy's thoughts were running along the same path but with Giles in the equation.

Somewhere along their thoughts Cordelia stopped laughing, recomposed herself and stood up to look them over. She nodded her head as if she was making her mind about something.

"So Xander's in a slayers body aka a girl. Willow is in a guy's body and Buffy is in a lesbian's body." She smirked. "Am I hearing the siren of gossip calling to me? Buffy didja kiss Tara? Willow same question and Xander didya experience the strong grip of a guy while he held you close to his rugged manliness as you kissed passionately?"

The three friends stood there gaping. Strangely, Xander was the one who recovered first. "Yes, yes and ewww!" Although in his mind, he was remembering how Cordelia's description matched how he and Spike kissed. ~ When is Angel leaving again?"

Cordelia shrugged and said, "Your loss."

"So you figured us out, huh?" Buffy asked twisting a red lock nervously.

"Yep. Though, at first I thought that Willow had been spending too much time with you. That you really lost more style and that Xander turned gay."

"HEY!" Xander said offended and glared at Willow.

"Um, Cor?" Willow asked avoiding Xander's look. "You're taking this really well."

"Hel-lo, I lived on the hellmouth guys. I also live with Angel and Wesley in the infamous city of Angels."  

Xander countered, "I thought Sunnydale was the infamous city?"

Cordelia waved that away, "Pfft, Sunnydale is SO passé."

******

In the evening at the Summers', the girls were organizing themselves in Buffy's room while Xander sat on the bed eating chips and watching them. Cordelia looked at her ex-boyfriend, who unpleasantly looked like Buffy, and said, "Ya know it's rude for a girl to sit on bed eating chips when two gentlemen are coming over for dinner."

Xander looked at her. "First, I'm not a girl ."

". Not yet a woman!" Buffy sang too lost fixing her buttons. When the room got quite and Buffy just realized what she said, she turned to see three pairs of eyes looking at her in shock. However, Cordelia had a smirk on her face.

"I swear Dawn is the one who's listening to this!" Buffy defended herself. "I don't listen to Britney Spears! Not me, na uh!"

"Ok-ay," Xander said trying to change the subject, "What was I saying before?"

"That you're a lazy girl?" Cordelia suggested.

~ Why do I feel like we got the old Cordy back? ~ Xander thought, glaring at the brunette young woman. ~ I miss new mature Cor! ~ "No, and who do you mean by two gentlemen? You don't actually mean Spike and Angel, do you?"

"Of course I meant Angel and Spike! They are *really* old. Isn't Spike from the Victorian age or something?" She looked at Xander who was wearing a frayed T-shirt and old jeans. "You know something? You could use a makeover."

Xander looked at her appalled. "What do you mean?" he asked with a small peep.

Buffy and Willow stood next to Cordelia wearing the same smirk. "She means it's time to make *me* look pretty, which means you have to help out, Xan." Buffy said before they all leapt on poor Xander.

After several hours, Xander looked at himself in mirror wearing a short jeans skirt and a tight black top. Cordelia did his blonde locks and let it flow prettily over his shoulders. He pouted following the girls downstairs. "Guh, when are the guys coming? I think I could use some testosterone around here."

Cordelia had that gleam in her eyes that Xander knew he would hate. "Oh, right Xan. Since you're Buffy, don't you think you should give Angel some snugglies?" She smirked at the blush that appeared on his cheeks.

"Snugglies?" Xander blurted out. "I . I'm not giving ."

"Oh c'mon Xander, you promised!" He turned to Buffy to see her smirking back at him.

"Besides, Angel is heartbroken because he lost his son. He could use some cuddles and hugs." Willow had that pathetic pout she always used when she wanted something from Xander. It frightened him to see that she had perfected it even on him. He groaned, "Please Willow lose the pout. Everybody is questioning my manhood because of your actions!"

Willow went on as if she didn't hear him. "What about kisses?" she asked the other girls.

"Kisses are good," Buffy agreed.

Xander looked at her with wide eyes. "Buffy! You want me to kiss *Angel*?"

Buffy shrugged. "Well, you're kissing him with *my* lips. It shouldn't matter, and I won't mind." She looked at him pointedly, "But I want details, missy!"

Cordelia seemed to be thinking about something. "What about Spike?" she unexpectedly asked.

Xander and Buffy jumped, while Willow asked confused. "What about Spike?"

"You told me last year Willow, that he had a thing for Buffy. What if he decided to jump Xander?"

"Why would he jump Xander?" Buffy asked alarmed. "I mean . I've never given him a chance to . um . jump me, you know, he's beneath me . so there's no reason for ...jumpyness."

Xander just wanted to shut her up. She was going too far with her act of not having any kind of relationship with Spike. Didn't realize that eventually *he's* going to find out?! He was in her body, for God's sake, she should know better.

All of a sudden, knocks were heard from the door. Xander rushed to open it. He saw Angel and Spike standing there, "They're both alive! Thought one of you guys would have been staked by now." He smiled smugly.

Spike looked at Angel and mumbled something like, "Not in this century."

Xander led the two vampires to the living room where they all sat together and started chatting about the evenings events. Buffy noticed that Angel wasn't conversing with them. "Are you Ok, Angel?" she asked worriedly.

Angel looked at the redhead and smiled. ~ Willow has always been a warmhearted soul. ~ he thought, remembering the old days when he worked with the Scoobies in Sunnydale. He nodded, "Yes, it's just ." He didn't finish.

Cordelia got annoyed with his silence. "Get it out, Angel," she demanded.

Angel sighed. "I want to go to the mansion."

"We'll go tomorrow." Cordelia said running a hand over his arm comfortingly, thinking that he wanted to get away from the memories that Buffy invoked.

Angel shook his head. "No, I want to go now. It's . it's something I just need . and I can't wait 'till tomorrow. I don't care if this sounds childish, but I really need to go," he insisted.

Cordelia sighed. "Ok, I'll go with."

Buffy gave Xander a glare. Xander heaved a suffered sigh and offered to go with Angel as well. To Cordelia's surprise Angel nodded his agreement to Xander and turned to her. "I think you should stay here, Cor. You can use the chance to spend time with Xander and Willow and reminisce."

Cordelia didn't sway. "Are you sure? I mean, I wanna be there for you."

Angel smiled and took Cordelia's hands. "You are there for me. You're always there for me, but I think I want to spend this time in the mansion with Buffy and Spike."

Spike's head shot up at the mention of his name. Angel turned to the younger vampire. "Would you like to join us, Spike?"

Spike didn't miss the pleading look in Xander's green eyes. He shrugged, "Fine by me."

******

At the mansion, Xander and Spike stood there looking around while Angel closed the door behind them. "It's been long time since I came here." Xander said.

He felt Spike's arm touching his fleetingly. Xander breathed heavily and looked at Spike who smiled down at him. Xander controlled himself. He will not throw himself on the bleached vampire with Angel around. He turned around slowly, "Uh, where's Angel?"

A big smack was heard next to him, Xander turned to see Spike on the floor. He was about to yell for Angel, but felt someone grabbing him and he was held to a strong chest. Before he could defend himself, a chloroform-covered handkerchief was shoved to his face. Gradually he felt himself losing consciousness.

******

Xander woke up to find his hands bound behind his back and attached to the wall. His legs were bound, as well, with chains. He let out a groan and looked at Spike next to him. He was also in the same state. The blonde-haired vampire was returning to consciousness, "Bloody hell, what happened?"

Xander looked around and realized they were inside the old high school, next to the Hellmouth in the library. Panicking, he turned to Spike, "Spike, what's happening?"

Spike wanted to reassure the girl until his eyes caught a movement. Xander looked at where Spike was looking and his eyes gaped.

There stood Angel near the Mouth of Hell placing an alter in what Spike and Xander both recognized from years of experience as a sacrificial manner.

"You better not be thinking of opening that, Angelus!" Spike warned.

Angel finished his preparations then turned to look at the two. "It's a full moon."

Xander and Spike exchange a look that clearly said 'duh!'

Angel didn't seem to register what passed between them. He approached the two in a steady pace. "Soon the time will be right for me to complete my mission."

"Your mission is to open the Hellmouth? Are you dense?!!"

By that time, Angel had reached the two blondes; he extended his hand to run over both their heads. "It won't." he simply replied. He turned to exit the library, for more supplies Xander guessed, when he whispered. "At midnight all will be clear. At midnight you, my dears, will help bring my son back." Then the dark vampire left the two alone.

Xander looked incredulously at the leaving vampire, "Oh God! He's gonna sacrifice us to open the Hellmouth!"

Spike shook his head. "He's gonna do it to get his brat back. He's not in his full sodden' mind to think about the consequences."

Xander was only thinking about one thing. "He's gonna kill us!"

"I don't think he's going to kill me. I'm his sodden' blood."

Xander gave Spike a look. "He killed his own sire once. Last year he killed both Drusilla and Penn, who were his childer, by fire if I heard right from Willow. If he killed them, what's gonna stop him from killing you?" Xander thought for a minute and a cheerful gleam appeared in his green eyes. "Actually he killed Darla for moi. Oh, oh, I'm his true love he's not gonna kill me!" Xander squealed happily.

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Right! He left you. He bloody well left town all together!"

Xander looked at Spike's eyes. "But you stayed," he stated softly.

Spike looked adoringly into the beautiful green eyes. "Yes, I did."

Xander leaned close his eyes half-closed. Spike leaned over and pressed his lips to the soft warm ones. They kissed deeply and it would have deepened more if it were not for the chains. They stopped and looked at each other hungrily.

"I want you," Spike said huskily.

Xander, who seemed to forget who he was, replied, "I want you, too."

Spike tried to get rid of the chains that were tying his hands, but failed miserably. He growled in frustration. Xander gave him a sympathetic look. He sighed and looked down. "Do you think he's gonna kill us?" he asked in a small voice.

Spike looked at the downcast face. "Look at me, 'luv." Xander did so.

"He still cares about you a lot and I'm sure he won't kill you."

Xander looked at the caring eyes and rested his head on Spike's shoulder. Spike managed to kiss his head and rested his own on Xander's. They sat there for a while and Xander drifted to sleep.

*******

"Wake up, pet."

Xander heard the soft voice waking him. He looked up into the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen. "What is it?"

"The poof is coming. I'm sure he would try to cast the bleedin' spell now."

Xander raised his head trying to shake the sleep away. Spike smiled at the shaking head and leaned for a kiss as soon as the slayer's hair stopped flying around.

Xander drew back, smiling shyly. "What about my post-sleep breath?"

"Vampire here, 'luv. Don't care."

They kissed and stopped when they heard Angel's voice. "Bad vampire."

Angel swatted Spike's head playfully. "You should have said her breath was as sweet as sugar, and then kissed her," the older vampire instructed.

Xander expected Angel to freak but all he was doing was giving tips to Spike on how to be courteous. He listened as Angel crazily explained that he needed both the blood of a slayer, her essence and soul being strong, and the blood of family hence Spike for the spell to work. Xander wondered if him being in Buffy's body would render the spell useless.

~Pfft! With my track record with magic I'd more likely turn to a little hoppie toad!~

"I am going to get my baby back. he's such a beautiful baby and so innocent he doesn't deserve to be in a hell dimension, I do! He doesn't!! He's SO small." Angel whimpered.

Xander and Spike couldn't help their hearts going out in empathy hearing the crazy words of the distraught father.

"And don't worry you pretty little head Wil' about the Hellmouth opening. The spell is only designed to open a portal to Quarthoth and the best place to open a hell portal is by the Hellmouth."

Angel waved a knife in what Xander only thought of as wildly before the vampire sliced his hand and caught the trickles of blood in a black bowl. He turned to do the same to Spike before lifting his head and kissing the blond locks. "Soon my childe, I will have my son and we will be a family again. You will come back with me to L.A. and I will make it all better."

With those last words he licked Spike's wound closed and headed towards the alter.

~ Okay major ickyness but why do I feel jealous that he didn't do that to my bloody palm too!? ~ Xander pouted looking at his now mostly healed hand ~ Damn slayer recovery! ~

Spike on the other hand was torn. He could hear Angel reciting the ancient words and feared that it would open the Hellmouth, no matter what Angel said, and endanger Buffy and himself. Nevertheless, he also promised himself that he would do whatever he could to help his elder. He was torn between his loyalty to his love and his loyalty to his sire.

Strong winds interrupted their thoughts and then Angel's distressed cry was heard before all was silent. Xander sighed in relief when a door to hell didn't open next to his head and yet at the same time he felt sad for the weeping Angel.

Suddenly Cordelia entered and headed straight for her howling boss. She helped him up and they left through the library doors, leaving behind them Spike and Xander shouting to be freed.

"They're not gonna leave us here, are they?" Xander looked anguished. "I never liked high school and I don't feel like spending the night here."

"Oh don't be such a sissy!" Willow said as she and Buffy entered with smiles. However, Xander noticed unshed tears in their eyes obviously indicating that they witnessed the whole Angel breakdown.

"How did you guys find us?" Xander asked as they untied him and Spike.

"Cordelia had a vision," Buffy replied.

"And you stood there doing nothing!?" Spike questioned realizing as well, that they saw the whole show.

"Cordelia knew that it wouldn't work for . um . special reasons." Willow locked her brown eyes with Xander's, seeing that he got her meaning she continued, "And she thought it would be good for him to let it all out."

Spike nodded in understanding. "Peaches was holding the pain inside, he had to let it out someday."

~ And the sooner the better, not in a hurry for Angelus to pay a visit! Cheerleader has brains; I always knew she had it in her. ~

******

Realizing that staying in Sunnydale with the whole Hellmouth deal was not good for Angel especially in his condition, Cordelia decided to leave Sunnydale the next day. Angel slept in the Summers' basement for the night chained to the wall as a precaution.

The next night outside the Magic Box, Xander, Buffy and Willow were saying their goodbyes to Angel and Cordelia.

Angel hugged Xander tightly. "I'm sorry for what I did, Buffy.  You know I didn't mean to cause you any harm." He looked at Xander apologetically.

Xander waved him off. "Nah, it's okay. We all make mistakes."

Angel smiled down at him. "Goodbye, Buffy," he said, turning to leave to the car.

"Bye bye, Dead-boy."

Angel froze when he heard his ex-lover's voice and then turned looking at the blonde girl with wide eyes; she was giving him a huge goofy beam. Looking at the others, they all were grinning goofily along with the slayer.

Freaking, Angel looked at Cordelia. "Did she just call me 'Dead-boy'? And why are they smiling like that?"

Cordelia looked back at the three and shook her head. "They certainly didn't change; they're still the same eighteen-year-old kids that I left in Sunnyhell," she sighed, dragging Angel with her into the car.

The three watched them getting into the car, when Willow asked, "Do you think he suspected?"

Buffy whispered back, "Don't talk and keep smiling he can still hear you." She gave Xander a heated glance. "We'll have a little talk later about prudence, Xander! You almost blew our cover."

Xander wasn't listening to her. He was watching Cordelia driving the car away and his smile got bigger. Now, he and his vampire can have their smoochies whenever they wanted.

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